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I've been feeling weird lately. Everything has been getting me down. Shane [my past abuser] has died, and my friend keeps quizzing me about it. I don't particularly want to talk about it, but she still keeps asking. I was there when he committed suicide, I just don't want Ame to know. Sarah knows, but I'm hoping she doesn't tell Ame. It, just wouldn't seem right, if she knew. So I'm confused about that, because it all happened to quickly. Now every thing's getting me down, the fact that my friends think I'm becoming depressed, because I made 3 slashes on my arm when I was feeling down, that fact that everything about love sends me into a complete flashback of everything with Jack [My dead boyfriend] in. Everything just hurts, and I feel so alone. I just need someone to love, someone to hold, someone to cherish. But I'm alone, as usual. I'll get over this state of mind. I know I will, sometime. I just have to keep searching, keep finding this light in the darkness. But it really hurts, because Sarah's just sent me a video. And it hurts, because she said she couldn't talk to me about it. She said that Ame hasn't text her, and the only thing she can go to is a web cam. Like I'm the fucking last resort! Either she did it because she cares about the state I'm in, or that I'm ruled out of the equation. I've saved her life 9 times, and now I'm fucking left to rot, while I have no-one to go to while 10 suicide cases take their rage and hurt out on me. It hurts so fucking much to know I have no place beside my friend now. There's no-one I can go to now, I went to Sarah to let out a little of my emotion, but she put me down like that. I am, truly alone again. But I can't tell Sarah that. She's too emotion at the moment. Maybe another time. It's always another time.
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Posted by OneLittleEngel on 2008-04-22 11:32:26 | Rating: | Views: 77
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