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What a whirlwind of a past few days. I have been with MC pretty constantly. Yes. Ack! I do love being around him, he is a fucking bad ass and we have a great connection. I know he is leaving the country soon, so I want as much of him as I can get my hands on. But I've been with him so long I feel confused and out of my element. And, today at work I got a lot of free food (ah, the life of a server ^_^) but some something in it made me sick. Bleh!
The new cat at my house is awesome! It loves my room the best, partially because I keep my window open, and partially I hope because of the good vibes ^_^ We got it catnip and it didn't seem to act too into it- maybe it was just playing us for a fool? Maybe it doesnt' want us to no it is an addict? heh. Or maybe kittens aren't into it too much? It was fun to see it toss around the stuff. My roomate thinks the cat is lazy, a comment she made in a very lackluster voice. Very funny.
It is 10 PM already. Geez. What a crazy past couple of days. When I am with MC, time stops entirely. It continues around us, but we don't notice it go by. I can't believe the stuff that he says to me. He told me that I am the girl he has been looking for, and all sorts of very intense statements. It is intense for me to be around him, for sure, it is just so jacked up because I felt such strong INTENSE commitment feelings for the last guy. I knew I wanted to be with him, and that he was the one for me, from the start. And now I see how the whole thing unravelled; he wasn't the one for me. Or even if he was what I would like, I wasn't what he liked. I believe that it was in adaptation where a character said "It is not who loves you, but who you love that defines you as a person." Yah, maybe. But if what I love is some crazy depressed dude maybe I should make it less deep.
The happy that I am for MC is about 8-8.5/10. This is pretty amazing levels of happiness, yet at the same time my happy for the last guy was definitely 10/10. About as complete as it goes. I don't think that this new guy is any worse, in fact I think he is better in many ways, largely:
1. He cares about me and is sweet. He thinks about me and is considerate.
2. He has awesome fucking taste. His music, clothes, interests- impecable.
3. He is super active in the community and starts a lot of positive changes.
4. He doesnt' think that the world is a horrible place. He thinks the world is positive.
5. He has been my friend for a while now, so I have gotten to know him.
What I DO think is that I need to heal and seperate myself from him though. Gosh- this stomach ache is mixing with relationship feelings to make for a pretty intense sickness. Como horrible, no? I think i may go throw up now...
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Posted by Omphalos on 2008-05-28 22:00:46 | Rating: | Views: 32
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I know the feeling. Everything just stops when I'm with him, and it's suddenly all perfect. Until I'm not with him anymore, and I'm able to see the everything from the outside. Then I realise this whole relationship is actually making me unhappy.
But still, it's way too hard to give up on something that makes you feel so good.
"How can happiness feel so wrong?
How can misery feel so sweet?"
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Posted by incense
on 2008-05-29 12:45:12
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