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| First friday without him...
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Fridays used to be that happy day of the week when my boyfriend began his weekend and we got together to do something- go to a party, rent a movie, go around town. We would eat together, laugh together, and then sleep next to each other into Saturday. Sometimes we would lie in bed till the afternoon, waking to talk and snuggle. Sometimes I would wake up early, run to the store, and surprise him with pancakes and eggs. Those days were the best for me, because he would always be so excited and hungry when he woke up. Sometimes he would wake me up with a kiss.
This Friday night, nothing of the sort is happening. He is out of town preparing to board a plane to Africa. I am sitting in my room by myself listening to the rain drops and wishing I had something fun to do- a party, a group of close friends to make fun of movies with or something else. I may not do anything tonight. It has been a while since I have had a day like that! Lemme look back:
Last night: called B-dog, Stitch, Church, and worked.
Night before: Fantastico fantastico w/ MC
Night before: slept with EXboyfriend
Night before: slept with EXboyfriend
Night before: DRINKING! with Katiesaurus
Night before: slept with EXboyfriend
That is as far as I can go. My fucking god, I can't believe he is out of my life. He was SUCH a large part! But it truly was for the best. As much as he was hilarious, and brilliant, and cute, and so charming, he never truly fell for me and treated me as though he loved and adored me. And I need that. I want to love and adore someone, and I need someone who is going to be just as giving towards me. I was paddling with one paddle on our boat, and it lead me nowhere.
I wish I could have known before all the pain. But I think it has matured me a little.
Things are going still. They will continue to go. And I can't help but remind myself that if I keep workign and keep my heart open and am persistent, I will be rewarded. I WILL!!! I really want to embrace the laughs and tears while that happens. :)
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Posted by Omphalos on 2008-05-23 21:51:30 | Rating: | Views: 54
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wow you must feel so lost... i think its great that u have decided to blog about ur feelings so you dont have to bottle them up too much!
Do you have friends who are there for you at the moment too?
hope you r ok
xx
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Posted by rinniez
on 2008-05-23 23:10:22
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I have a lot of good friends, but I am working on making my friendships stronger too. I have to know that my life can be good without him :)
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Posted by Omphalos
on 2008-05-24 10:59:25
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