Thoughts.com Blogs - Another day, this one sparkling

View Blog

Another day, this one sparkling

My boyfriend, the wunderkind by the name of MC, commented: the world is spectacular and people are going to do what they choose.

My feelings: honestly? I don't feel like the world is spectacular. I feel that is a raw, tumultuous, random, beautiful, cruel, treacherous, awe inspiring, holy, intricate, and worthy vessel for my soul to pass in. Spectacular: that I feel reservation with. I am so into word meanings lately! I will not agree to a word being the label for something unless it fits precisely! Like, the conversation I just had with MC:

unhinged
hesitant
silent
unfamiliar

I felt that he was sad, holding something back. Perhaps he was. Since he got back from Chicago he has been acting a certain way, and it is foreign to me. He blames it on being tired, and I feel that isn't true because when I say I'm tired I am usually lying. But tired contributes. I can't just assume that everyone acts and thinks the same way I do, because I know from experience that this is not the case. Well, at the very least, I will wait and see. My life is flowing by well and- it will continue to flow well.

Sometimes I feel intimidated by how involved MC is. I mean, geez! He is into everything! But, I am worthwhile too, and he likes me for who I am. Plus, I like him for who he is too. We balance each other. I don't want a competition!

Tomorrow is Wed. The next day is Thursday. Then I am going to a concert with MC and spending the weekend with his family. Then I am moving my whole life into another house. Then I am starting another job. My life will unfold. Right now: pleasantly as the days go by. I am with friends, and I have many friends. This is a good thing. I want my life to have meaning though! I want to push past insecurities! Really I am. Really I am making positive changes in my life for the first time in years. And it is beautiful. Life is becoming more beautiful all the time. But spectacular, that - I am not so certain about :)