There once was a gambler named Davis,
Who went on a trip to Las Vegas,
He had no luck,
Lost his last buck
And had to come home via Avis

A Cornhusker went searching for gold.
He was a big man, healthy and bold.
        He got rich in Alaska,
        Went back to Nebraska,
And laughed when they said it was cold.

There was a young girl from Argentina
Who was a fan-dancing ballernia,
       And for just a glance
       She'd take off her pants
But she quit when she got a subpoena.


Congress raises their pay and relaxes
Just after increasing our taxes.
         I don't think it's funny,
         Them spending our money,
But folks that's what the facts is.

There was a young man on a plane
Who on take off went quite insane.
       He told them to please,
       Just land it with ease,
And the next time he would take a train.

There once was a girl named Rhonda
Who got bored in a land called Uganda,
But she was greatly surprised
When a care package arrived
And she drove off in a new Honda.

A man died who had lived in New Guinea
And when it came to friends he had many,
         But his friends became ill
         After reading his will
For he worked hard but saved not a penny.

Political debate has grown rather stale,

And it's impossible for me to prevail
         Because if they are a donkey
         Then I'm a racist white honky
Who is a sexist, homophobic white male.

When I was younger I had a date to go dancing
With this beautiful young girl name of Manson.
         Everything went great,
         We stayed out real late,
And thru it all she still kept her pants on.

Help me finish this one:

There was an old carpenter named Lofton
Whose last days were spent making his coffin.
It was extremely distressing,
Not to mention depressing,

There once was a gambler named Davis, Who went on a trip to Las Vegas, He had no luck, Lost his last buck And had to come home via Avis

There once was a gambler named Davis,
Who went on a trip to Las Vegas,
He had no luck,
Lost his last buck
And had to come home via Avis