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| Born Like This... Maybe... Born Into This |
In my life, I've made many mistakes, trust, love, even hope. All in, but nothing but pain in return. I start to doubt my faith, cringing... Crawling away from my faith. Pain seems to become me. I'm constantly asked why I writhe in mine own misery. The answer is never in my grasp. Suicide became a likely choice, and for a good period, it almost had me. The devil's grips were right around my neck and at the time I wanted him to take me into his home. Away from her, away from them that have hurt me. Away from my mistakes, and into the fire. I WANTED THAT... But alas God prevented it. Why? I'll never know. But maybe, I can stop this again. Or maybe it was never anyone but myself. Maybe I held on to her past too long. A whore's past is never one of ease, and yet as long as she remains in my life I'll never be rid of it. The men she slept with from anger and grief, their scent pouring from her body, a disgust as sick as death. Maybe I should rid that. Maybe I should break the chain that I had with the wolf, in a metaphorical sense, lose the best friend I've ever had, maybe that is what my grief wants. Maybe I truly went insane. Or, was for a time. Maybe her distance was far too much for her to grip and that I was right to let her go. Maybe his weakness will hold him back and so I should give up on him too... So many people in my life and yet never enough life for them... Perhaps I'm born like this. A shell of grief, a portrayal of agony shifting through life. On the outside a mask of content, the inside, a world of depression controlled by a mind that has never seen peace. Or maybe, I was born into this, catastrophic hallucinations caused by hate formed under the influence of those that have seemed to get joy from my misery. Honestly I don't know, but neither do I care. For now its a mystery, and it'll stay unsolved until I know for sure.
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Posted by NovaDOOM on 2009-07-24 02:34:05 | Rating: | Views: 23
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