Alone
Alone is the feeling when I am standing in the coldness of the world, realizing
Only a single spark of warmth inside my soul.
Alone is leaning into the dark corner of a brick building where no one notices me.
Watching people continue on in their world.
Their ordinary world
Together
Yet there I stand,
Alone.
Alone is comforting and deflating all at once.
It is liberating,
Freeing me from the ties of impressing others in conversation.
Keeping me from the burn of embarrassment that my head feels when I have spoken foolishly or out of place.
No matter how trivial the topic may be, I am saved by my silence.
I am safe by being alone.
However, it is just that,
Alone.
It is the absence of everyone.
Everyone who will laugh at my jokes
Everyone who would offer to wipe away the tears of grief in my time of need
If I should feel so vulnerable as to bear my weakness to them
Anyone that might touch my shoulder and give a rehearsed “there, there” whether or not
It be devoid of any genuine meaning.
Yes, alone has its ups and downs.
One day I bask in the warmth and comfort of the solitude and sanctuary that alone has graced me with.
The next day, I am an orphan of the world.
One with no allies, no one with whom I can whisper to and know that my secrets will be held forever safe.
I am utterly alone in those moments.
In this very moment I am alone.
Although I am surrounded by a dozen faces
I am certain that souls are hidden behind the most of them.
Yet none of them could care for whatever consequence comes to me.
They do not care if I am alone as I sit here next to them.
They do not care if it is a comforting alone, or an alone so painful that my heart is wretched in knots.
Maybe though,
They too,
Each one of them.
Are alone like me.
Alone of choice,
Of empowerment,
Or of depression.
But alone nonetheless.
~K.C. 2006~
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