The Day you called no tears were shed,

The greetings were warm and jubilant.

And when you loved me forever, well, I thought that meant forever

I guess I never saw your hurt. I know I never tasted your pain. Even though the same man raised us both. I never saw what a monster can do to a soul until you. Our Father was a hard and cruel beast, but we survived it into adulthood, at least so I thought.

You left without saying good bye.

The day they called my tears flowed on and on…

You were gone.

You left without saying goodbye. The pain too much for you to take.

So heavy on your soul that you left it all for me to take on. No one else seemed as bothered as me.

I took it personally.

You took it personally…

But then you gave it all to me.

No goodbye note. No nothing… just the pain you left behind. Time for me to discover that which you knew all along; pain.

Your picture, once a reminder of the joy of seeing your face, is now a memorial for me to touch each day.

You just left. You just left. You just left.

You are my brother, you are my friend…. And you are gone, forever.

I love you, Peter.


This was written for my Big Brother, Peter. I spoke to him last on Fathers Day, 1997. He also spoke to my Father, telling him how he ruined his life and that he can never forgive my Father for the things of the past. The next day I received a call that Peter had been found dead. He apparently stabbed himself to death. I keep a picture of him playing his guitar on my table in the living room, his memorial card slid neatly into the frame corner and a "pity buddah" statue in front of it. I miss him. But I am reminded that the tough times I am facing now, they will not have the same ending. I will not be a picture in a frame for someone. I will make it through.