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Last night felt like the worst night of my life. I've never fought with my parents so bad before. Ever since about my sophomore year of high school, I have felt like nothing to my parents. They don't take the time to get to know WHO I REALLY AM. They know things about me, but they don't know me. Last night my mom got mad at my brother about something so stupid, and she "mouthed" the word fucker. I saw her do it and asked her if that was what she really said, of course she denies it. I got really angry at her and went upstairs and my brother asked me what was wrong. I don't like lying, so I told him. After that, I left the house.
When I get back home, I come to find that my mom told everything to my dad, who wasn't even there when it happened, and he calls me a "bitch" behind my back. Some father, eh? We all just argued and argued, and yelled, and cursed at eachother, and it got so out of hand, for like 3 hours. My dad ended up calling my brother an asshole, and calling me a fuckin bitch to my face. I've never cried so hysterically. Well, maybe one other time, but thats another story.
I can't even remember half the things that were said back and forth, except that I told my parents that I hated them for the second time. I don't mean it, and I don't know why I still say it. But in the heat of the moment, it feels like the only thing that will make them shut up. I don't like my parents. I love them, they're great people, but they're not my friends, they don't know who I am, and they don't take the time to show me that they genuinly care about how I feel or what I think.
I feel like I'm in prison when I'm at home, like I'm trapped. But I don't have anywhere else to go. I don't have the finances to pay for rent. I work part time, and that's it.
I cried and prayed to God so much last night that He and my parents would forgive me for saying such horrible things, I feel like shit. I feel so bad for what I said. I've been holding back the tears all day long, and my eyes burn.
I love my parents, my family. I just hate what's become of our relationships, and what it has done to us as human beings. I want things to get better, and for our hearts to mend, but I have a fear that it may never happen.
I'm tired of wishing I had a new family. I just want the one I have to feel the way a real family should feel.
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We are about the same age, but my parents let me live in my own appartment above the garage since I was 16. It's great. You need a separate space. Tree house, basement, garage, some pace where you can cook your own food and go if you want quiet time. You are too much in each others pocket.
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Posted by penumbra88
on 2008-02-21 17:40:01
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| Views: 48
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