I went grocery shopping earlier with my mom. We went to the grocery store I use to work at, which is where the guy who raped me works still. I have a lot of memories associated with that place, and not all of them are neccesarily bad, but most of them are. And of course, the one time I had to walk past the department where he works, he had to be standing out in front (usually he works in the back). He glared at me as I walked past, and I pretended to be non-existant.
He doesn't even know that I had a baby, or that he could be the father. And I don't want to go that route with him, because then I would feel obligated to protect my son and I would press charges against him for what he did to me in order to ensure that he wouldn't be allowed in my son's life in any way. I honestly don't think he deserves to have that right.
As we were leaving and I was once again thinking about the paternity testing that should be here in a few weeks or so, we drove past the place of one of the regulars that use to talk to me all the time. I remember just before I ran away to Washington and it was one of my last days, he said to me, "No matter what happens, don't ever let anybody change you." Those words have stuck with me the last couple of years, and I have tried my damnedest not to let others control me. Sometimes, when life gets out of control, I think back to those words and remember. He may not know it, but that man affected my life in so many ways with so few words.
Oh, and my old landlord called me at work the other day because I had an old unsettled bill. She told me the amount and then proceded to go on (at length) about what a piece of shit my ex was and how proud she was of me for not being with him anymore. She also offered me an excellent reference, so I'm happy about that. It actually kind of made me laugh when she was talking to me about it though, just the way she went on about him like she even knew the half of it, lol.
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