i cant believe it, im still half strung up with my last relationship, is this fair, if i decided to date a new guy? ..probably not, but ...i dont talk about it or never mention about it. I just sometimes think about it. But anyway today was ok, finally got back on ketosis, on light pinks though, worked out a bit today, burned 640kcal on cardio and rowing. dead tired. But it got my ketosis back on track so its worth it, sometimes i just want to quit, give up at school, i tried my best but im not especially good just ok. And i really dont feel like going to school. one of my friend is trying to fit in another crowd, therefore trying to suck up to some people, im just disgusted, but what can i do when she sits next to me, we use to be close but now it seems im trying to run away from her. Just be yourself rite? easier said than done. I have a assessment tomorrow, got to do well. so im off to study. I didnt drink today, because i cant study when im half drunk. Ate peanut butter whipped cream and rum balls fordesert (i made em) It was Yum.
I really want to give up, im exhausted physically and mentally. Trying to be good, trying to mediate with family, and school, and friends, But i cant, all i want to do is sleep or cry and cry or pray. but its been a long time since i prayed. I dont know what im fighting for, why im crying, i dont want to survive, maybe im just looking for my role in this big world.