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"Dude, what do you think about going camping this weekend?"

Ro, my new drinking buddy asked. He was a tall lanky kid from Illinois. Me and Ro shared the same rare, fucked up sense of humor that makes the average person cringe. We both had that weird kid thought process. I think he was naturally stoned. We also had a fondness of alcohol in mass quantities in common.

"Well, were gonna need tons of booze, bitches...and were gonna have to take a trip to Wal-Mart to buy stupid stuff...Fuck it, let's do it..."

"Ev, his wife, Red and his girl, Palmer and that nappy headed ho are going too. Oh and Douche, too. I don't really like the dude either, but he's 21."

We kicked it off by going to Wal-Mart.

"What would a buch of drunk people need out in the wild..."

We ended up with a kid's fishing pole and tackle box, a cooler, a Jr archery set (not a great idea), and a bunch of spare arrows. I knew we would lose them all. Then came the desicion to buy a tent.

"Dude, that nappy headed ho is inviting all her slutty friends so were gonna need the orgy tent."

"Bad-ass...thinking ahead..."

"Well this one's tall enough for me to stand up in"

I looked at the picture of the tent and instead of the happy family in it, I pictured us screwing skanks in it. Sweet...

"That covers all the positions I can think of then."

"Pretty much..."

I threw the tent in the cart. We were set.

We met up with Ev and his wife, Moni and Douche, got the beer and headed out to the camp site. It was out in the sticks. Not even at a camp ground. There was a fire pit out at the end of a dirt road along the river. We were surprised to see camp already set up there. It turned out to be Wolf and Creepy Guy, friends of Palmer's nephew. Wolf was in his 20's and seemed pretty cool. Creepy Guy's wore thick lensed, tiny round glasses and his face was covered in layers of acne scars. He looked 35+ at least but turned out to be 22. They were both dressed like professional outdoorsmen.

Ro and I immeadiatly worked on our buzz, slamming beer after beer. We built a little pool in the river out of rocks and threw the beer in there.

Ro and I decided we were drunk enough to fish with our child's fishing pole. Wolf and the Creepy Guy were standing in the river with waders and legitamate poles. We ghetto rigged some kind of hood and lure, it looked like ass, but we caught a little fish. It was fucking hilarious. We gutted it and cooked it over the fire and ate it with mustard. It was really not bad.

The Creepy Guy came back from the river. I noticed a pistol holstered in his waders on his chest. Weird...

"Is that thing loaded?"

"Yup, there's been lots of reports of bears in this area in the past few days. You guys wanna shoot it?"

""Hold on"

I slammed the remainder of my beer and threw the can in the river.

"Sure"

We walked out in to the woods a little ways and took turns shooting the gun. My drunk ass couldn't hit anything. Moni took a turn too. Creepy strattled behind her and showed her how to do it. He asked her to pose with the gun in her bathing suit and she obliged while he took several pictures. Creepy...

Ro and I were getting more beers from our pool when Palmer and his nephew KJ showed up. KJ looked at us.

"Who the fuck are those guys?!"

"Buddys from work. That's Mo and Ro"

"Why the fuck aren't they helping you unload your shit?!"

We were obviously in earshot. We pretended not to here and sipped our beers while they unloaded their stuff. What a fag...Palmer was a mellow dude and I always enjoyed drinking with him. His nephew, however, was a pushy asshole.

Red showed up next and he brought his girl's dad's 4-wheeler.

Last came the nappy headed ho and her posse of skanks.

The Nappy Headed Hoe's friends were actually hot. In a Paris Hilton sort-of-way. First was Kate. A tiny, curly haired, brunette. Really cute and had a rack...slutty. I think the first thing she did upon arrival was take a piss behind our tent. Charming. Then was Christina. The rumor I heard is that she had just got out of prison for armed robbery. (it turned out to be credit card fraud) OMFG, felons are hott. She had the crappy blonde dye job with black roots. She was taller than me and a little heavier, but still very cute.

Kate had to be rolling. Later that night, she borrowed my cell phone. i was the only one with a signal out there, she said she was only gonna use it a minute, but that turned into a half an hour. Understandably, i became annoyed. The bitch was burning up my minutes crying on my phone to her boyfriend. cunt. i finally told her to wrap it up and she obliged. several minutes later she waved me over to her. she mumbled something. i leaned closer to hear what she said and she grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to shove her tounge down my throat for several minutes. i had forgotten how good it felt to make out. she worked down to my neck and then up to my ear. she licked my brain clean. damn she was good at it. she pulled me by the ear to her mouth.

"Thanks for letting me use your phone"

Is that what she said? Unable to contain myself, i busted up laughing and walked away. I rejoined Ro and he told me to find a condom. It occured to me that she wanted to jump my bone....cuz i let her use my phone. whatever. i proceedede to ask around. Wolf told me he had one. From his truck he produced a little bag full of sex toys. lol. he rummaged through it and found a choclate flavored condom. He said to have fun. By the time i came back, she was making out with Palmer. I asked Ro what the fuck and he said she was making her rounds, including trying to kiss Ev, with Moni present. She then flashed her magnificent, pierced, tits at the Creepy Guy. Yikes....

Later that night, Kate disappeared on the four wheeler with a dude. Moni was pissed.

"I'm gonna go run that bitch over"

She found her car keys and proceeded to the car. (Bless her heart). But, me and Ro calmed her down. Ro held up a cell phone.

"Look it's her phone!"

Then he whipped it into the river. Moni laughed and it was over.

Wolf was in his truck, wearing a scream mask and smokin a ciggarette, blaring music. Some techno song came on the me and Ro never heard, but loved instantly. We began to rave together. (we're good friends like that, in a totally hetero way). Wolf produced a pair of glow sticks and we went crazy. Everyone observed us and was entertained. Cristina called us over.

"You know what would be hott?"

Me and Ro looked at each other.

"A threesome?"

"Hmmm....No....If you guys just made out"

"Are you serious, NO!...Do you think we're fags?"

"Well you guys just danced together and finish each others sentances..."

...I'll admit that seemed pretty gay, but no.

Even later that night, me and Ro heard That Nappy Headed Hoe panting and moaning.

"Dude, where is that coming from?"

"Behind Palmer's car, I think"

Ro and I came up with a plan to run by them with our asses hanging out of our shorts around the car. Ro peeked his head around the car. He turned back to me concerned.

"Yo, they're not fucking. I think something could be wrong."

"Fuck it, let's go anyway"

"Okay"

Then Palmer yelled:

"Stop it or I'll fucking sock you in the head!"

Oh fuck, it's serious. We ran up and I grabbed Palmer's cocked back fist and pulled him off her. That Nappy headed hoe, laid there unable to catch her breath.

"What happened?"

"I dunno, I started talking about going back home and spending time with my real girl friend and she started spazzing..."

"Dude, she's having a panic attack."

Ro started trying to talk to her and she started weezing harder. i tried and she started to calm down. Ro started to rub her back and we were almost done. Red appeared from around the car.

"Get away I know what I'm doing!"

He proceeded to shake her by the shoulders and shout "WHAT"S WRONG?!?!?"

She freaked again. Fuck this, go ahead and make it worse. Me and Ro went back to the cooler to grab beers. We told Wolf what was going on. Wolf got out of his truck and fired a few rounds into the air. It was one of the funniest things I had ever witnessed. Her weezing grew audiable even to us as we were a ways a way. Red stormed over and lectured Wolf about how wrong that was. Jack ass. I said something to the effect that the bitch was possessed and needed to be exersised. Ro ran with it. I grabbed a pair of sticks and held them as a crucifix. Ro flicked beer at het like it was holy water.

"Out demons! I command you!"

"The power of christ compels you, bitch!"

Her eyes rolled back and she spazzed even harder. Everyone there shot us dirty looks while trying not to laugh at the same time.

"Y'all are fucking stupid, the last thing you wanna do is get everyone over here and talk to her at the same time, but what the fuck do we know, right?"

Cristina grinned and joined us in making fun of the situation. And then she asked:

"Who has a smoke?"

"You can have one of mine"

Said Ro and he handed her one. She reached for it and he pulled it away.

"...If you give me a kiss"

"Okay"

They started to make out. I gave them some distance and laughed. Damn, her friend's freaking out and she's making out with the dude who's trying to excersise the demons out. Whore.

I passed out in the tent. Wolf shook me awake.

"Yo, she's ready for you"

"What? Maybe later..."

Later I found out he was referring to Kate who was stupid drunk and willing to do anything. LOL. thank god i had no clue what he was talking about. that's the last thing i need. a rape charge.