I have come to another conclusion about Alaska. Although it's a part of my blood and heritage, I do not belong here. I am determined to stay positive. I'm comparing my stay here to visiting the zoo. As fucked up as it sounds it's the best way for me to look at it. I'm not calling people animals, really. It's just fun to go out and people watch. It's forigen and enlightening.

I decided to have a night out on the town with the boys. Me, Jimmy, Sheamus and Burger. First we hit up a little, local bar and meet up with a seargeant. It was quaint and mellow, built like a back alley bar you would see in a movie, but not intimidating. It was all middle aged, locals. The shitter was seperated by a shower curatain from the rest of the bathroom. One patron arrived on a snow-mobile. There was a little noose one would tug on to ring a bell to buy everyone sitting at the bar a drink. Jimmy's "guy who lives on the couch", Crackle Tooth jumped up and slid onto a barstool when it was finanally wrung. He brought his girl Butter Face along (funny, if you've heard the joke before). Jesus Christ, was she hard to look at directly. We were bored by the quiet atmosphere.

We drove buzzed to the next bar. On the way we almost hit a native. He was signalling to turn left with his hand. We were all just baffled he rolled down his window all the way and stuck his window out and swerved to not clip him as he slowed into the turning lane.

I entered the bar and was overwhelmed by the stench of armpits. We went to the hippie bar, full of unwashed peace lovers, vagrants, pot heads, yuppies, and nerds from the local college. I guess Jimmy was a pot head/yuppie. It was a laid back place with a live band. Several girls with large, akward frames danced and sang along, alone, but together. They sold cans of PBR and sat on I a stool. The band encouraged crowd participation and I heckled them loudly. It felt weird. Our tiny group could have fucked up that entire bar including the lone bouncer. We went to the back. I'd always heard people sat back here and smoked joints. This is also the same place where several reliable witnesses swear they saw some of our officers frolicing and dancing wildly together in clothes that could only be described as super gay (shudder). Jimmy bought a pitcher of a really hoppy beer that tasted horrible. The bathroom was miniscule and smelled like STDs(I dunno what an STD smells like, but that hits the nail on the head) One college nerd I saw really caght my eye. She looked exactly like Sascha Knox (Porn star, sad I know...) A tiny pale girl with shoulder legnth blonde hair and thick black rimmed glasses. She dressed conservativly and sexily at the same time. Holy fuck, did my mind wander.

"Dude, did you see that little blonde geek with the scarf?"

"Yeah..."

"I wanna fuck her in the ass while she tries to read out loud from a text book"

Everyone thought it was hilarious. I'm an animal. That's why I never talk. I'm seriously fucked up in the head.

A dirty hippy sprinted up the stairs to our table.

"Hey, brothers, state troopers just showed up. Do what you gotta do"

Incredible. Looking out for complete strangers. There's a new concept. The troopers made there way to us in a few minutes.

"Who's supplying up front?"

Crackle Tooth rambled off some drunken non-sense about them charging to much to get in and they left.

We left and went to a more standard bar with pool, darts and pin ball machines. The crowd varied from preppy to nigger. I played darts and did horrible. There was a machine that measured how hard you punched and I was challenged by a shrimppy dude. Actually the newest addition to our company.

"Here, you gotta stand by this line and just throw a jab"

"Just a jab?"

"Yeah a jab"

I overextended myself and nearly crashed into the machine. I got a pathetic score. He stepped up passed the line and threw a hook with his strong arm. An impressive score flashed on the screen to the delight of his female companion.

"What score would I get for throwing you through a window? I bet I could set the all time high with a good ol' curb stomp. What?"

He ignored me and joined his lady. Motherfucker...

I rejoined the guys, who had a group of girls join them for darts. A slender blonde, a chubby brunette with huge knockers, and the other one was Simoan, I think (shudder). We drank, played darts and flirted untill the bar closed. I think I made progress with the brunette. She lifted my sleeve up to see my tattoo and asked to see the others. I started to show her the one on my chest and she pulled my shirt back down.

"You know what? We'll just save that for later."

She grinned and winked. I realized how long it had been since I had flirted. It felt good.

"Everyone, get the fuck out!"

"Well, boys, we gotta go to work now"

"Where the fuck do you work, the titty club?"

"Yup, see ya there"

As we left I turned to meet the intense gaze of the brunette and she winked again.

"I'm gonna flip if they really work there"

"Fuck it, let's go."

We arrived and I was surprised to see someone else. The girl I fell in love with before I went to Iraq. Liz...Jet black hair, milky white skin, dark brown eyes. She always wore black (the contrast of fair, white skin and black lace fucking kills me) and something that showed off her incredible ass. Damn, I wish I never had to see her again.

"Dude, you see her?"

"Yeah, damn she's fine"

"I used to think I loved her"

"LOL, dumb kid"

"I know, I was in Alaska three weeks before I went to Iraq and I spent two of the weeks here at this strip club with my other crew. She really had me convinced. On my nineteenth birthday she tied me to that pole and whipped the fuck out of me. Good times..."

"LOL"

"Well anyway, the day I left I kept one of the single dollar bills I got here. I carried it with me every day, on every mission, guard duty and detail I did in Iraq. I never spent it and I pulled it out once in a while to look at it and day dream. Well the day I got back, I came here and she hugged me and was glad to see me. We got to talking and I was about to present it to her and she said:

"Your name's David, right?"

"Fuck no, are you serious?"

She was. That whore forgot my name. It really hurt my feelings. The next day, I bought a bag of Cheetos with that dollar. Lesson learned."

"Wow, that was a really deep story..."

"Yeah, you would never guess that I was a deep guy, huh?"

"Nah, no, fuck no..."

"I might be as deep as they come...in the infantry..."

"No kidding..."

She came on stage and danced. I couldn't help but throw out money. She came and grinded on me and moaned in my ear. My god, did it feel fucking incredible. Her ass on my lap, the friction in my jeans, that patented stripper smell, that silky hair brushing my face, that hot breath on my cheek. She pulled me by the neck to her and made orgasmic whimpers in my ear. The long-ago buried feelings flooded back as quickly the blood had flooded to my penis. She was good at her job. I know she recognized me, but didn't say anything. Bitch probably forgot my name. Again... I really shoudn't be mad. Heart ache over a stripper...LOL. I'm so pathetic. A couple of skilled moves and I melt like butter. God, I hate her with all my heart, but at the same time I was all hers. I vowed to never come back again.

The trio of girls from the bar showed up. They really were strippers. LOL. Well the brunette was all over me, but she was a stripper, so whatever and I still had Liz on my mind, but she was occupied by her other customers. Goddammit... If I could just get a lap dance from her, I would be whipped all over again...

The Simoan danced all over Burger to his dismay. I threw cash down in front of him and pinched his ass when the Simoan had him in a death grip in her cleavage. I laughed loudly until my guts hurt.

The slender blonde stiffed us when she came on and completely ignored our cash when it was her turn to dance. Sheamus snatched all the ones back up from the tip rail and gave it back to me before she could get it and the boys wanted to leave all of a sudden.

"All I wants a fuckin' lap dance from my girl! Wait a minute, fuckers!"

"Mo, trust me, let's go. You don't really want to be here"

I trusted them over my clouded drunken judgement and I was thankful. We left and I'm regrouping for our next trip to the zoo.