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As I
Sit here shaking
Feelin tears roll down my cheek
I can’t believe that really happened
I can’t believe that shyt really happened to me
I mean
Daym
How could he do that
I still don’t understand as I look back
I messed up when I trusted him
That was my mistake
But I honestly never thought
That a simple friendship
Would
Ever lead to rape
October seventeenth two thousand and four
Didn’t know my life would change when I walked through the door
I was just sixteen
And he was twenty-two
Sometimes I think it’s my fault
Cause I was kickin’ it with some grown ass foo’z
We were watchin tv
And soon everyone left
It was just him
Sittin beside me
Didn’t think nothing of it cuz we had kicked it before
We were friends
Nothing less
N definitely
Nothing more
Then he put his arm around me
I giggled and shrugged him off
Cuz I thought he was playing
Next he put his left hand
On the inside of my right thigh
I shoulda left then
Instead I told him to stop
And thought he would cuz
He was my guy
He moved his hand but leaned in for a kiss
That’s when I got up and said
“Nah Fucc This”
The door was close and it was unlocked too
But he was so strong and
He pulled me down so I couldn’t move
I tried to hard to get away but all I did was stumble on the floor
I can still hear him saying
“You stupid bitch I’ma fuck you so hard you’ll be begging me for more…”
By then I was crying and
Screaming louder than I ever had
I didn’t want my first time to be with
This shitty excuse of a man
With all my strength I kicked and hit
But he hit me so much harder
And then off went my shirt when one quick rip
He pulled down my pants and my underwear too
I was begging and pleading for him to stop
I couldn’t believe my worst nightmare was coming true
I’ll never forget the look in his eyes as he laughed while I cried
I’ll never forget the pain I felt inside
When he went in me for the very first time
He continued for what seemed to be an eternity
Harder and faster ignoring my screams
After he came inside me
He wrapped his hands around my neck
I couldn’t move or breath and I thought to myself
“Daym I don’t wanna die yet.”
He told me not to tell anyone
And that if I did it would be worse
He looked down at the blood and said
He was glad to be my first
He got off and I could finally breath
I got up so fast, I couldn’t wait to leave
I ran I ran I ran so fast all the way home
And now I sit here shaking
Shedding tears of pain
All alone.