46044 Blog Feed: Mystery_Smile_21 2008-06-17 07:06:12 Mystery_Smile_21 Your e-mail address 103227 2008-05-30 20:28:08 I always think of myself that I'm in love but truly I wasn't because I don't know what is love. I could describe it -kind, special, swept off your feet, makes you happy, maybe it makes you cry, makes you think about it. I'm always curious what is love, I even said to pixie you know yes I have been in relationships and yes I have said I love you but I don't think I ever was. Makes me wonder why did I said I love you, maybe because I'm desperate, lonely, shallow, don't give a shit about it. But I do have to say that Love can hurt you, kills you, makes you mad, makes you want to die, angry, depresses you. If somebody says to you that I love you, it always make you think and so curious..Why? Do they truly meant it? or just playing with your heart? But I tell ya when they said well I don't really mean it but I love to say it and It makes you want to kick their ass because love is not a joke.
Love is....?? ]]> 102404 2008-05-28 20:04:59 My bestfriend, who we both been friends over 6 or 7 years and been extremely close. We talked about dreams, what we want in husbands, houses and kids also where want to travel, etc etc. She said in year and half, we both said we are moving so far away and want to do fresh start. Meaning starting our lives over because we both been through so much bullshit and drama also up and downs. We been there for each other and got our backs and shoulder to cry on. I love her more than anybody because she's my rock and guidance when I need to. I want to start a new life but honestly, I'm terrified. I don't know if it's because my parents and family or just being chickenshit. I want to be free, I want to do stuff that I want to do, I want to show them that I made it, I want to show them that I'm so wild and tough. I would love to make new friends because they are not people that I would hang out everyday, just to be honest with you..They are shit disturbers..lol. But you know what I'm glad that I get it off my chest and I'm going to do this with my strength and power and past my fear!!

Yeah!!! I'm going...going all the way!!! WHOO!! ]]> 96974 2008-05-14 22:48:36 This year has been rough and this is why…

When I first look at this cute indian marine and I thought my god this really cute guy wants to be with me. He seduced me to bed when we were hanging out while we were playing pool but I have to say that he was very competitive. I kinda thought he actually wanted me to win before I even know it, he won and wanted me to buy a drink. I was very naïve before I realized that he became alcoholic. When we went back to his basement apartment, he left me there by myself and said I’m going out for drinks with the boys and I thought ‘my god he actually going to leave me by myself in the town that I don’t even know where on my way out’ When he came back, I was already in bed he woke me up and I was really upset for him to do that. We got into a huge fight that he ended up punched the door and bled.

Everybody said that I’m very pretty, smart, very attractive and any guys would be soooo lucky to have me but I never believe that which so ever. I’m very insecure because of my personal situation and I never understand what they see in me. Everytime when I look in the mirror I thought why am I this way? why everybody is taking advantage of me? why am I making stupid mistakes? and still take everybody’s shit or taking assholes in my life and pull me through the sprial all over again. Its hard for me not to see what everybody sees the guy and when he stand by my side I thought he wants to be with me just for me. But he ended up taking advantage of me and I was too blind to see it until there’s tears flowing down on my face.

I have met another guy before and everybody said that he’s not a good person and stuff like everybody says in highschool that kinda thing. Then 5 years later, he found me somehow; he told me all about his past girlfriends, his situation and been jailed like twice. He made sound like “poor me, poor me”. So I felt really bad and he said that he wanted to catch up with me so I went over to his place. After while, we started dating and my mom and my bestfriend told me that they were happy because I’m happy. About month or two later, we got into car accident he drove my car and never done a thing to make the situtation better. My mom hated him and so did my bestfriend, he brought me down so low that I was soo mean to my family, dressed different and think that the world was so cold and grey also not going to work few times. We had deep sexual life and seem like that all he wanted was sexual relationship and I remembered that we fought so terribly and he even threated me up to the wall. I don’t know if I will never forget because I was so terrified and said that I will never get out of it until when he wanted to. I don’t know how to get out of it unti I realized that I was different what I use to be so I thought I should go over to my grandmother’s grave whom I looked up to because she was such a strong woman. I went over and pray. I said I will never go back with him every again. Everytime I see him around, I get really angry and soo upset, I would say He’s Nothing But I’m Worth It.
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