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--Life--

Everyone at school hates me. Society has turned me into a suicidal maniac. All the kids at school tell me Im stupid, ugly and emo. I try not to listen, but it never ends. Everyday is agony, having to shove pills down my throat every morning and evening to keep myself partially sane. Everyone telling me my dreams and hopes are futile and I cant do anything because of how I look. I hate the media and society, telling everyone what sexy should like and everyone follows that and bases finding friendships on that. Yes, you probably have figured it out by now, I am a little bit overweight. Its not my fault, I have a rare medical condition that causes me to gain weight faster than the average person. Its tough living with it, I work out at the gym regularly and eat right, just like everyone else. Im sick of living like this, having no real friends. The only friends I have are online, because they havent seen me before, they dont know what I look like. And I know if they did, they would stay the hell away from me, because society told them to. I hate myself, Im a loser, a failure, a nothing kid. I need some friends, real friends that I can see and feel in real life. Everyday I cry, sometimes internally or externaly, when I see two best friends hugging and laughing together. Ive never had that in my life, ever. I have no idea wjat its like to have a best friend that you can tell secrets to and hang out with on Friday nights. There is also another sight that kills me. I see, a boy and a girl. The are holding hands and talking and the boy gives an occasional small kiss on the cheek to the girl. They laugh together and spend time with eachother. Again, Ive never had that, ever. It kills me. People say, youre only 17, you dont need a boyfriend. Yes, maybe so, but at least Ill have someone to talk to and be loved by. Having a guy around would boost my confidence, would make me feel better and would make me have something to look forward to in life. You see, Im not like society, I look at the inside of the person. Who cares if hes bigger or skinnier than the models for expensive catalogs? He has a great personality and likes me for who I am, thats the person for me. Well this rant is over, sorry It took so long to read, but its how I really feel, truly.