Thoughts.com Blogs - deeper thoughts

Dear Blog and blogees,
I think I have finally figured out the source of my insanity. It is so obvious, yet I was oblivious of realizing it. My mother is the source, or to trace back farther, Ian (my little brother). He is having an outburst most of the time and that causes my mother to become overwhelmed and, believe it or not, she takes her anger and stress out on the other members of the family. Now, do not get me wrong, I love Ian. He can sometimes be a pain in the A. My parents are always wondering what’s wrong with me, wondering why I am always down and depressed. Well, if they actually thought about it and listened to their selves, they would figure out what they are doing to my mind. I have to take pills to keep myself in the game. They stopped working. My depression is increasing and My self confidence is decreasing. They only worry about my grades and never think about my health. They would rather have a smart, sickly kid that hates school, in their lives, than a healthy artist that loves life because of music and art. They are being very selfish, only thinking about my over achiveance than my well being. I like art, I want to make art. I want to get out of here, this insane depressing house. Its an asylum that I cant escape from. Youre probably thinking, "You need help, a counselor perhaps?" Well guess what Ive suggested it a few times and they always say, "Ok, we will try to find something" And you know what? They havent lifted a finger to try to help me. Here I am, sitting in my room, typing to my blog. I'm beginning to think that my blog (And my blogger friends of course^^) is the only one that understands me. I need friends too. I have no good friends, everyone at school cares about what a person looks like in order to be friends. No one looks at the inside anymore. I am a nice person, I just cant share that fact because no one will let me. People avoid being my friend because I am overweight. They dont think I am interesting or cool because I am that way. They automatically think that I am what I am because of my actions. No, I was born with a rare condition and everyone fails to suggest. I very much wish that you didnt go to hell if you commit suicide. Since you are automatically sent to hell if you commit suicide, I am still here because of that. If that wasnt so, I would be long gone by now. I am unneeded and useless. I feel that it would be a big relief to everyone, if I was not here today. But then again, no one would be here to take anger out on and yell at; So I guess I do serve a purpose - stress relief. My big dreams in life are either to be a producer/director, a cop, or to be on the Unites Stated Border Patrol. My dreams are practically impursueable, because I am mentally unstable. I need help. My mind is dying.

...talk to me