On Monday this week we met up and I picked her up from the library and we came back to my house and had a nice long chat, she told me that she loved me still and basically came to the conclusion that she didnt really feel comfortable with him and wishes that things would have been different, we had a nice hug and kiss and one thing led to another and we ended up making love, and it was the best ever !

We went out for lunch after and we had such an amazing time it was nice just to sit and laugh and talk about random things, it made me feel like the last year had never happend. When the time came we had to go she said to me "lets pick the kids up and take them home" which meant come back to mine, but I said you cant just run away you need to speak to him first and tell him the truth (but I wish we had now!)
On the way back we took the scenic route and had a nice drive around the country looking at nice houses which we would love to live in.

She called me later that night and said she was staying at her parents and that she had spoken to him and told him that she was getting a termination and didnt want to be with him anymore, excellent I thought ! but come Tuesday morning she had gone to her friends house and said she needed space and would speak to me later, she never called and I felt devistated, and I was really upset, so much so I hardly slept last night and was awake thinking about her.

She eventually called me this morning and said that she had spoken to an abortion councellour on the phone and decided that she wanted to keep the baby as she could live with herself. I was really upset as I saw that this was the end of us and she would end up going back to him, but however she said she was going to tell him it was over between the two of them tonight. I was thinking hard throughout the phone call and decided that some advice someone had posted on one of my earlier blogs was right and that it was out of order for me to demand that she has a termination or we could never be, so I said to her look tell him the baby is mine and we will bring it up as such, she is on the train right now back from her friends, and we are going to meet up and im going to tell her, that I cant live without her and if the only way we can be together is for me to bring up this baby then so be it, I know its going to be hard but I cant be without her.

I so worry that my friends will think im crazy and sometimes I think I am, but love is a strange emotion and even after all the hurt between us we still love each other, and I would do anything for her, I just really hope this is all not a dream and that we can be with each other forever.

Im off to go see her soon wish me luck !