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What I wouldn't give to be psychic

I spent days crying my eyes out. I tried to think of all the bad things so I would be angry and NOT miss him. I had finally gotten to the point where I could go more than a few minutes without thinking about him. I didn't check my phone just in case I missed his call while I went out to get the mail. I could finally picture my future without him and it didn't send me into a depression.

Then he did it. He called. I expected him to be a jerk and be mad at me.......but he wasn't. He asked me if I had found someone new since I hadn't contacted him for a couple days. I was honest and told him that I hadn't. He told me how much it tears him up inside to know that he's lost me, he thinks that being away from each other and going through all this could make us a stronger couple and that he still loves me very much and it has only gotten stronger since we have been apart. He asked me what my hopes for us were. I was glad that he didn't ask what I thought would happen between us. So, I was honest and told him that I want us to be together, be a family and not have all the hurt and mistrust. He said that he wanted the same thing. I know that people will just say things that they think will get them what they want. But I could hear the sencerity in his voice. When you are around someone for a long time, you get to know them.

I have talked badly about him in the past and I can't take it back. Sometimes people just need to vent about the things that are going on in their minds before they go crazy. I love him very much and I have to admit that I was wrong. I stuck by him and let him walk all over me. I didn't have the strenght to stand up for myself. When he finally realized what was important in his life and made the effort to change and was doing well and treating me better, I gave up on him. I let him down when he needed me the most. In the end I have hurt both of us so much.

I won't even consider moving to where he is until after the baby is born and by then I may feel differently about what I want. I miss him so much and I want to be with him. I don't know what to do.