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Hi, my name is Stacey. I am a stay at home mother. I've been married for 3 years and I have 2 children.
My firstborn's name is Kaeden. He's 2 years old. He has spastic quad. cerebral palsy, meaning he has poor head/trunk control and muscle tightness in all four limbs.
He suffered brain damage after going into fetal distress during birth. He continually amazes us by what he accomplishes. I've never met another child that seems to have as much willpower as Kade.
My other son Xavier is a year old. He's taking on the terrible two's a year early. However, he is wonderful with his older brother. He's strong willed, thoughtful, and energetic. Xavier does seem to have a few problems of his own and will soon be getting evaluated for Sensory Integration Disorder (SID).
My life is pretty stressful and I'm blogging to help ease the tension. Although my family tries to understand what my day to day life is like I can't help but feel that they really don't understand.
For the majority of my life I never had an interest in having children. When asked I would tell people that children were a pain and I didn't want to deal with raising any.
When I met my husband that all changed. I saw how great he is with his nephews and nieces. I imagined him as a father and shortly thereafter I wondered what it would be like to have a child.
Shortly after I married in June 2005 I found out I was pregnant. Kade was dubbed the "honeymoon baby". I had the perfect pregnancy. I gained just the right amount of weight, ate all the right foods, stopped drinking caffiene, and I was in great physical shape. I was induced at almost my 42nd week of pregnancy. After a few practice pushes the nurses rolled me on my side and told me to rest til the doctor could come into my room. During that time, Kade's heart beat dropped off the monitor. The nurses thought he had just moved around in the womb and I remember them laughing at what a little active guy he was. It was only when they had moved the fetal monitor around a few times, realizing there wasn't a heartbeat, that all hell broke loose.
After a few terrifying moments Kade was born. He was lifeless and blue. I was so confused at the time. They had placed him on my chest after birth so for a moment I thought maybe he was ok. When they whisked him away I began asking "Is my son ok? Will he be ok?"
Nobody, the doctors, nurses, or emergency personal would answer and not a single one would look me in the eye.
That was the moment my life changed forever.
After he was stablizied, Kade was transported to a nearby hospital to be put in the NICU. He spent 29 days there and when we left with him we still had no idea what had happened or what to expect.
It wasn't until we met a neurologist in the fall of 2006 that we began to get some answers. Kade had a MRI done and it revealed damage to the left and right side of his brain. As he has aged new MRI tests show a darkness around the damaged areas. The neurologist has told me that's good because new brain mass could be growing around and trying to make up for the damaged areas.
Xavier was born via c section because I was too afraid of something going wrong with a 2nd vaginal birth. Kade's cause of distress was never determined and I didn't want to take any chances. I could feel the doctor cutting on me during my c-section so after an attempt to further numb me, which didn't work, I was put under and missed the birth of my second son.
Now at a little over a year old, Xavier can walk, drink from a straw cup, climb, and attempt to break everything that gets in his way. But he doesn't coo, babble, or talk at all. He also has problems with eating certain textured foods. Mealtimes are so stressful because I never know if a tiny squishy piece of noodle in his Gerber's Spaghetti meal will gag him to the point of vomiting. He under reacts to louds noises, he seems to be a bit clumsy, he doesn't attempt to soothe himself, and he rocks whenever he's upset. This Friday will be his doctors appointment and I'm hoping to get a referral for an audiologist. I want to rule out any problems with his hearing. Then he will be evaluated by an occupational therapist for signs of SID.
Overall, most days are very frustrating. I have two children that as of now can not communicate with words. I have to look closely for body language to determine what they want/need. Most times I'm correct but occassionally they are hard to figure out and it leaves me in tears.
I don't feel like a "normal mother". By normal I mean I don't get to sit at the dinner table with my children and eat a meal. I can't take them out by myself because it requires two people to make a trip anywhere. Which also means nothing is ever done spur of the moment.
I deal with 3 different kinds of therapists throughout the week for Kade and now I will possibly have 2 for Xavier. It seems I'm incapable of holding a normal conversation with anyone. My life revolves around my children and their needs.
I think I do fairly well of keeping up to date on current events by reading through news sites on the internet. I really don't want to get so disconnected that I don't even know who is running for president. Most of my friends are parents though and they want to talk about kid stuff, not world events. It's just not the same though because my parenting seems to be a whole different world away from the parenting my friends do.
My other form of de-stressing is playing The Sims 2. I have all EP's/SP's except H&M. I'm currently playing the Ottomas family in a custom created neighborhood. I love the Ottomas family because of their rather unique genetics. I have played other games like World of Warcraft, Guild Wars, and Lord of the Rings online. They require too much player commitment and I like a game I can pause when I need to step away from my computer.
It's nearing 10:15 pm and I still need get Kaeden hooked up to his feeding pump tonight.
I hope I don't lose interest in this blog like I have done with all the others. I always start out with good intentions.
Goodnight to anyone reading this.
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Posted by Mom_of_2 on 2008-08-12 22:19:15 | Rating: | Views: 39
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Wow. I really don't even know what to say about all this. I'm so incredibly sorry this is happening to you but I definitely wish you the best of luck with everything. Here's one of my favorite poems-it inspired me, maybe it'll do the same for you.
Life is too short to wake up with regrets
Love the people who treat you right
Believe everything happens for a reason
If it changes your life, let it
Nobody said life would be easy
They just promised it'd be worth it
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Posted by scarface
on 2008-08-12 22:32:56
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Thank you for the inspirational poem :) It really lifted my spirits before bedtime.
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Posted by Mom_of_2
on 2008-08-12 23:09:38
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awww good. I'm so glad it did :) Whenever you feel down, read it. It doesn't change whats going on in life, but it really helps to stay strong and motivated.
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Posted by scarface
on 2008-08-12 23:32:28
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