Thoughts.com Blogs - Love me like You'll never see me again

Thank you to the friendly blogger who left a comment on my blog. And who is in fact absolutly right about this.
I know the decision i need to make. Prolonging it is only wasting my time and more importantly his.

ANd i should clarify, if i leave my current partner, im not going to run straight into the arms of this other man. I said i wanted space and thats exactly what iwant. Time on my own for a bit. Its just the feelings and emotion with this other man has made me realise that maybe its time to end this relationship if its not going anywhere, or making me happy.

Dragging it out isnt going to save anyones feelings o make it easier. I just have to bite the bullet.

Wasnt untill last night that i realised how far apart we are now. Its kind of like our lives just move around each other. Conversation is lacking and when it is there it is nothing exciting, basic day to day stuff.

We havnt been intimate in months, which annoys me and happens all the time but whenever i bring it up he gets angry and hurt. But I'm starting to feel like i am not good enough for him, or he isnt attracted to me anymore. He never touches me. When we do get intimate it is most of the time because i have initiated it. Whcih then makes me think is he doing this because he really wants to or is it just because i started it.
In the whole time we have been together i could count on one hand how many times he has made a move on me.
I know this probably sounds incredibl selfish but i dont know what to do about it. Everytime i bring it up he gets upset and says he doesnt know why its like that and then someone it gets turned around to avoid the topic al ltogether and nothing gets answered, then we have good sex for a few days afterwards until he thinks ive forgotten about it, then its back to normal.

And we we do have sex it is nothing speacial, its routine. I could do it in my sleep, but again whenever i try to bring up something new and exciting he acts all hurt as if im killing his ego or something.
I'm sure im not the only person going through this problem.

I think I'm here becuase ive had so many bad boyfriends that everyone has hated and disapproved of that now that i have a nice boyfriend who treats me well and my family loves i feel like i have to hold ont ohim just because of that reason.
Like if i break up with him then everyone is going to be like "oh why, he was such a nice guy" or "he was the best boyfriend you had"
Already i have family members and friends coming up to e and telling me that i'd be an idiot if i let go of this one.

Which makes me feel even guiltier for having these feelings of leaving. This isnt made any easer by the fact that ive never broke nup with a boyfriend before. With other boyfriends, because i was yougner and didnt give a shit bout people i used to just treat them like crap until eventually they would break up with me. But now i've older, more mature and actually care about peoples feelings i'm trying to find some slightly humane way to do this.

And I dont feel like i can talk to anyone about this for the reason i just mentioned above. Everyone will all be like oh why. I look at my sister and her boyfriend or my brother and his wife and they are all lovey dovey and laughing and playing, and i think that is what my relationship should be like, but its not. We have moved onto the "friend' stage, where its more like we are too very good friends, that know each other really well and live together.

Oh but at times he annoys me so much. Just little things, but it doesnt matter how much i tell him they bug me, he still does it, especially when he thinks i wont know. Like using my razor in the shower, thats my personal razor and its a hygiene thing, and he is always using it. His razor is sitting right there though. And using the bar of soap to wash his hair, not only is it not good for his hair but it leaves hair all over the soap.
He only brushes his teeth when i get on his back about it, which sounds really gross, so i have to tell him to brush them everyday.
Its like a child.
He just doesnt seem to care much about his personal hygiene or how he looks in public, but yet he wll go to the gym every single day without fail. To keep in shape. I find it hard to believe that someone so disciplined can care so little about hygiene.

Oh god now i do sound really conceited and like a massive bitch.