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| It's the end of the world as we know it
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Everything is now coming to a head with my relationship.
I went away this past weekend and stayed with a male friend (nothing more then that). Anyway it was the Australia Day long weekend and i was meant to come home on Sunday but because if the way things were at home, i decdied that i would stay the extra night thinking that my boy has a poker night anyway so ill just be home alone. Well that didnt go down too well and my boy cracked the shits bad, and i got a few horrible msgs.
So when i got home yesterday i stood at the train station for about half an hour deciding how i was going to get home before finally msging my boyfriend and asking if he could please pick me up.
Well he did but didnt say a word to me. In fact he didnt say one word at all to me for the rest of the night. So this morning when i left for work i didnt bother kissing him goodbye (which i know i shouldnt of done, coz if something had happened during the day i would have felt awful).
So the text msgs started from that, he msged and said that no matter how shitty one of us is we should always kiss goobye and say our i love yous.
I couldnt take it anymore, so i told him what was wrong and how i had been feeling. And he took it all with agreeance. Saying that i was right about him not being affectionate enough and not spending enough time with me.
He even said that he was speaking to a friend of a friend and they saw a pic of us together, and she said that i was beaitful and gorgeous, my boyfriend agreed and said he felt proud to be with me.
So yet how come a total stranger can take time out of there day to compliment me, yet he cant.
He again agreed saying that if he thinks i look nice then he should say it. Damn right you should, sometimes people need to hear those things, i always make an effort to compliment those around me.
So pretty much ive told him that im at the point where i am going to walk away coz i cant take all of this much longer, i am tired of going round in circles. So now i am sitting here waiting for him to get ready coz he wants to go out for dinner and talk about whats going on and explain how he has been feeling.
Kind of dreading it coz i know it wont really make much of a difference what he says because i feel like this relationship has run its course and there is nothing left here for us.
I spoke to my mum about it today, which i was scared to do. One of the reasons why i have put this off is because everyone loves him ,they all think he is such a nice, great guy (which he is).
My mum said that she could tell that something had changed and that while she will be disappointed to see us break up because she likes him and he is a good guy she is there to support my 100% and if im not happy then there is no point going on. I love my mum and often take her for granted.
Even though i already knew that it was nice to actually hear it from her.
So tonight is the night i bite the bullet. I just have to remember to be calm, let him have his say and not get angry. I'm more worried about hurting him if anything. This is made so much harder by the fact that we live together and he will have to move his stuff out. Im hoping for a nice clean mutual break where there is no feelings of hate, but who knows how this is going to go, i would like think we could at least still be civil to each other.
This is going to be a majoy upheavel for him, he moved towns to live here, has friends here, gym membership, poker nights. Not sure where he will go coz his sister has a boarder now, but he is welcome to stay here for as long as it takes him to find somehwere else, He can sleep in the spare room.
Wish me luck.
Peace xoxo |
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Posted by MissThinks2Much on 2008-01-29 01:45:45 | Rating: | Views: 66
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