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| ....After Graduation we will get married. |
Today was so amazing. Like something in a dream. Stuff like this doesn’t happen in my life. Stuff like this just wasn’t possible…
I couldn’t handle waiting. I caved an called him. I know, I am a sad pathetic feeble human. He answers the phone and before he even says one word, I can sense it. He is smiling. Damn him. Laughing at my inability to be patient.
“I knew you would call.”
“Of course you did.”
“I love it when you pout.”
“You cant even see me, there is no way that you know I’m pouting.”
“But you are, aren’t you?” Damn him.
“What did they say?”
“You always try to change the subject, just admit that you were pouting.”
“Well if you were here right now, I’d be flipping you off.”
He chuckled and then said, “Jesus Christ, I love you.” I think he really was trying to give me a heart attack. I mean at any moment I was going to collapse. He said the L word. We never tell each other the L word accept on special occasions. It wasn’t even the fact he said it, it was how he said it. Kind of rough and desperate.
I had no idea what to say, I was frozen in my happy little moment. I didn’t get to many of them. Then the weirdest thing happened… tears came to my eyes. Tears of joy. It was a new thing for me. Usually, I make fun of those people that cry when they get really happy and now I was one of them.
“Get dressed. I will pick you up soon.”
I had no idea what to wear. I had no idea where we were going. We had been kicked out of most of the ‘fancy’ restaurants and asked to not come back. (Like I said, we argued a lot and we argued with other people a lot.)
I straightened my hair and wore a headband. I also decided to keep my makeup light tonight…. He likes to see my face. I stole some dressy jeans from Jessie’s closet and complimented them with a baby blue sweater. (He loves the color blue)
............I usually wear the complete opposite just to piss him off but tonight was different.
When I walked down stairs Jessie took one look at me and just starting laughing. “How come it took so long for Ryan to get you out of that goth crap?”
I smiled at her as I grabbed my jacket, “Hey, I still like that goth crap.”
She was going to say something else but we got distracted by the jingle bell knock. When Ryan knocks on the door, he doesn’t just knock. He knocks in the rhythm of Christmas songs. I know its so dorky but I love it.
Taking one look at me, he had a jaw dropping moment. “Oh, is Mr. Wise-man finally lost for words?”
He snorted, “Nope, just admiring God's masterpiece.”
“Jeez, when did you get so corny?”
In about an hour, I found myself sitting in the Mall’s food court sharing a banana split from McDonald's. Did my guy know romance or what? Actually, it was better than one would imagine. I tried my hardest to be patient. I tried…. I knew he was testing me. I knew that as soon as I asked he would giggle and give me that smile of his. He was so cruel sometimes. Damn him.
Sucking up my dignity, I asked or more like commanded. “Just tell me already!” And of course, there it was. His face broke into his beautiful smile followed by the sound of his musical chuckle. I loved his giggle. Damn him.
But he didn’t tease me for long, in fact he got serious. This was odd for him, “My parents want me to stay in college.” Imagine a semi truck running over my body a thousand times and that’s what you had… but then he continued, “They want me to transfer to the local Jr. College. My grades aren’t the best anyways.”
So many emotions came rushing over me. I was so excited I think I shrieked a little and made way to kiss him but he stopped me. “Stop being so feisty and listen. Stop pouting, you can do what you wish with me soon enough.” Who knew I pouted so much?
“On the weekends and in our spare time we will be working for my parents. We will be saving up enough money for our future together.“ This part is a little fuzzy. I can’t quite remember everything that happened or everything he said. I just know I tried to speak but he put his hand over my mouth to keep me quiet.
“Dawn, when I look at you, I don’t see my girlfriend. I see my future wife. After you graduate, I plan on marrying you.”
I was stunned. I was in shock. I wanted to yell at him! He probably knew that because he kept his hand over my mouth and wouldn’t let speak, “Just think about it. Don’t say anything yet. Just think.”
When he finally released me… I slapped him. “You proposed me to in the food court? You moron!”
“See, I knew you would be happy.”
“Your insane! You have completely lost your mind! We are to fucking young to get married!” I carried on with my little rant and tried to stormed off but he followed.
“We are not to young. There are teens having babies!”
“Does your parents know about this?”
“They are the ones that thought of it.”
“Of course they did! Your whole family is insane!”
“What? Because they fucking want to see us happy?!”
I stopped in my tracks and just looked at him. I glared and was frustrated. Worried and aggravated. My heart was screaming one word.
.............“Yes.”
“Really? I guess anyone that wants to see us happy is insane.”
“Ryan. I said yes.”
Apparently not understanding me he continued on, “I guess God is insane too. I guess he shouldn’t want us to be happy either.”
“Ryan! I SAID YES!” Finally it clicked and just like that…. we grabbed each other. Not wanting to let go. Just holding on and believing that anything could happen. We were fierce. We were hungry, starving for each other. Starving for our forever. Gasping for air but not letting go. We both held on and lived for that moment. For our moment.
............................As I think about everything that has happened, I feel exhausted, a little worried but hopeful, because I don’t know what tomorrow brings. I don’t know if we will even last until graduation, what I do know is that I love him to the deepest core of my heart and the thought of not being with him…. Is like living without the sun. Dark, cold, and hopeless.
He is the sun that brightens my world.
I had given up on life but it didn't give up on me.
*Miss Nightmare*
P.S. I had to be home by 8:30 to take my medicine. It makes me sleepy.... he stayed and watched cartoons with me until I passed out on the couch. Jessie woke me up trying to get me to bed... but now I cant sleep because tomorrow my whole family will find out. Tomorrow, everyone will know. I am scared. But tomorrow, I will get to see him again.... I cant wait!!!!!
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Posted by MissNightmare on 2009-11-07 22:11:10 | Rating: | Views: 294
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