I've come to the conclusion that I just don't feel the same as I did before I had Jay Jay.  I was more confident about my looks, happy with myself, and more independent.  I never ever worried about the stuff that I worry about today.  Never did I think twice if Keston mentioned a female coworker or if he mentioned that he was going out with his friends.  The first thoughts in my head would be maybe he finds his coworker more attractive, more down to earth, and more sane.  Then I would go onto he's sick of me and finds me boring.  That's why he is going out with his friends and leaving me at home with the baby.  All this negative thinking.  All thoughts.

What it really is?  Jay Jay is 4 months old now.  He's all smiles and starting to laugh.  When I talk to him, he smiles.  When Keston talks to him, he smiles.  He's kicking, rolling around, and just a happy child.  Very healthy with an increasing appetite and growing at above average for his age group.  Keston is the most supportive and caring husband.  He's helpful, encouraging, and positive.  These two are not people I should be complaining about.  Financially set, comfortable living space, clothes on our backs, healthy, food on the table, and ability to get toys and gadgets.

 Why?  Why do negative thoughts come to my head first before all the positive?  I'm fixing it.  I want to.  I need to.  Today is a new day.  To start again.