Beyond all expectations of love.. nothing hurts more when it all comes down to love.
Its the hidden fragment of hope that leads you to their soul, that glint of reassurance of love, and the blinding faith that it could work that keeps you in the state of illusion that it could all change
… because you know that its buried beneath the cold hurtful exterior that he sends of to the outside world its defensive and scary but you know he does it because he has everything to lose if he doesn’t.
It’s buried beneath those layers of arrogance and cockiness that seem cheap and ploy but how else can he act to ward of those that would break his heart?
Finally behide the walls of stone is the real man, exposed in all the strengths and weaknesses that he held, in the only contentment of peace, you never feel as vulnerable and scared as you do at that point, because at that point his soul is open to you, the darkness and fear takes control of your body, you tremble and break and everything seems like nothing because never have you felt so scared…
its in these rare moments as those, when you know they aren’t looking, when you truly know what the meaning of being afraid really means.
You don’t know what is worst though, how vulnerable you feel when you see the real him, or that each moment of contentment and happiness that he gives to you could be the last and you never truly know when the real him will welcome you back, his the everlasting drug that your heart and soul cannot keep.
The drug though you can’t keep away and you are addicted to the love that pumps through your veins that surrounds your heart and keeps you alive.
For the drug
watches over you, he protects you, guides you and teaches you. He shares his love with you and allows you to see those times when all his defensives are down.
The whispers of his heart melt through to your soul and nothing could be more complete
nothing is more scary then the vulnerability of everything that you thought was to be strong, for he is strong and yet he crumbles at your feet, and you realize the world doesn’t work, the world doesn’t make sense anymore, his barriers have been torn down and your left with his body, and it scares you because his the glass that could hurt you, he is what makes you feel weak.
It’s the hidden fragment of self doubt that keeps you at bay, it lingers as a ghost and surrounds them, walls are built and kept as hard and strong as they are because they fear, if those walls come down, their bodies could crumble and they would become human, nothing scares anyone more then to admit that all they truly are is human. Humans are vulnerable and weak no one could bear to admit that, they are what we describe as humans.
Nothing scares you more, when your trapped in the void of love and nothing hurts more when the barriers are built so high and so strong that your left cold and frightened because in the end its like what everyone says, you’ll always be alone, and you cant depend on any one.. for everyone lets you down and you can not depend on others..
Beyond the failures of our own ambitions we still manage to love…
And we cant let go, we cant let them slip through our fingers, because in the end you feel its your responsibility to save him from the nothingness that consumes him, the hatred and hurt that has been burned into his soul, and oh how his heart breaks and you seem to be the one that wont let him down, and you've broken through so much cold hurtful walls that you would thought would kill you, you cant let go, you cant let him become the machine, the cold dead machine in the game of life, because he means so much to you, it kills you to be without him, even after the hidden fragments are shattered and the vulnerability that makes you weak surrounds you, you still cant seem to let go, because all you have left is him, and the way he makes you feel, the rare moments that linger within your soul.
Nothing is more scary then to fall in love, to watch the ghostly figures surround you and experience the truly magical thing only so few experience, sometimes you’ll feel like youll die because loving them hurts so much, loving their mind, heart, body and spirit hurts so much when you cannot be with them, nothing scares you more then to see them go, to let them go at the end of the night because you fear if you close your eyes, it would all be dream, everything that has ever been felt was a dream and you’d wake up in the nightmare of life, where everything crumbles before you, and you know you’d never survive if that ever happened.
Nothing is more scary then to love, there are too mnay risks, to many heartaches, so much pain, yet we continue to go through it,
because its worth it.
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