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To J.
Its been 2 weeks since you made my world fall down around me once again
I am glad you are gone forever, I do not miss you.
I can remember every word that was said
I can remember the tears, and what they tasted like.
With my world that I once knew, I am glad you faded away
For all the pain that you caused me and then to make my heart
Believe that it was my fault?
That you were doing it to protect me!
I do not need you to survive!
I am stronger than you will ever be
And with everything that life throws at me, I will be the one to come out on top
I do not choose those over the one I loved
I do not sacrifice my life for something that just was there!
I do not lie to my heart nor to my love about the affairs of the heart
I do not abuse those I loved!
It has been two weeks since I have cried
And it has been two weeks since you stood before me and confessed your love to me,
Confessed your love that you always loved me that it was always me?
After everything! After all the lies?
The hurt?
It never mattered how I felt, just what you feel, that’s whats important!
And every thought of it makes me sick
Every word makes me angry
You stand there and claim you thought I should know how you felt!
Well how about how I felt?
Who gives you the right after everything you put me through to put me in a position such as that!
After I told you that I found someone that made me completely happy?
Happy in a way I never thought I could be
Someone that doesn’t play mind games with me?
A man that takes care of me, and actually wants to be around me?
I am not some trophy by his side, he doesn’t hide things from me, because it might burden me.
It is honest and it is complete
And when I find peace…
You think I should know, how you feel
How wrong you were
How much you would take back
How you finally understood my pain, because that slut hurt you in a way that made you think of the pain you caused me
Do you know how insulting it is, to be compared to her?
How insulting it was to our relationship to be left because she came into the picture?
I don’t talk enough of how much I hate you, how much my heart dispises you
How the sight of you disappoints me and how ashamed of you I am!!
And hate is the one word I do not want to say, just like love
The two most powerfullest words in history.
But in the affairs of my heart, you broke that piece of me…
I do hate you..
Because you think, you are alone, that you have been placed in this position when really you caused it all!
Everything that happened towards the end…
It was all on you, I will no longer take that blame
I guess there is so much still to say, because you have 5 years of my life.
You took 5 years of my life and made it worthless in the face of the trust you broke
When only two weeks later, you were with her,
You dimished evrything that we were with one single action
We have been defined by one another for 5 years, and here it lies broken into pieces
…
One day we will meet again, in the wide universe and the 6 degrees of seperation, one day we will meet again, I may forget some things that happened
I may forget the events, and the words and one day I will forgive my past, and learn to grow from them.
But I will never forget that you broke my heart, because all I was to you, was just someone.. a figure in your life that didn’t represent anything, an object to be placed by your side, a trophy that was brought and kept pretty…
….
I have found someone that is starting to mean the world to me, he is everything I needed in you.
Every word is said with sincerity
Each moment of deep conversation is kept in the arms of trust
Each kiss means something
Each hug protects me from the world
There are no mind games
There is no dishonesty
He doesn’t push me down to your level, and allows me to be free
And heals the pieces of the broken heart that I keep close to me,
He holds me in the arms of safety and protection
Saving me from drowning in the world you created for me, I am different
And I love who I am now
Because he takes me for who I am
And it is rare to find that,
So understand this
Stop hanging onto the affairs of the past, you are only causing us more pain by doing so
Do not keep preaching to the world of how you feel.
Don’t keep telling everyone how you are falling
They are cries of help, but you must be willing to allow someone to help if you cry for it, do not dimish the arms of protection if you are truly not ready to be healed
But by doing what you are doing, you are cuasing more pain than you could imagine, to those that are around you, do not linger in our past, and do not drag me under, not again
Becusae this time I will not fall, I will not let you pull me under into your world ever again, I don’t want to go there ever again
I don’t want to feel that pain, to feel those tears, and to have my heart broken everytime you choose your work and friends over me,
I wont fall to you, not in todays world, not after everything that happen
Why cant you just let go?
Leave me be.
You made you choice you cant just have me when you please, its not fair!!
…
Fade away from my memory, live your life, and stop thinking the world is against you…
Life is meant to be lived, and everything is meant to happen for a reason
So breathe lift your head high and continue on,
There is too much good to be drowned in your sorrows of yesteryears.
You made your past now live on into your future, what is there to be lived from the past?
The future is tommrow so live every moment for the future.
xo |
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Posted by MissBB on 2008-07-12 12:36:01 | Rating: | Views: 58
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