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Week 1 Monday

I'm going to try to write a journal on my blog as much as possible.Like once a day at most and once a week at least.My friend suggested this as a way to get my feelings out.So today was Monday.I didn't go to school today because I have a head cold.Being sick sometimes makes me worse because I have to sleep.I listened to "Goodbye(I'm Sorry)"By Jamestown Story today alot.That song always makes me depressed because I can relate to it in so many ways.I felt especially suicidal today too...not so much as to make a plan or attempt it though.I just basically felt dead anyway.I talked to my friend though and she's going through something similar but not as serious as mine so it helped a little to talk to someone who understands.I wrote a poem too which helped a little.I tried writing more of my story but didn't do so well.I'm also kind of stressed from school because we have a group project due tomorrow and no one in my group is answering their phone so idk what the deal is.Besides that i'm behind in school as it is.It really doesn't help my depression to be a failure in school too.Sometimes I just feel like i'm watching myself doing mundane average daily things without caring.Just going through the movements.Waking up,going to school,pretending to be fine,pretending to ignore the people who hate me,going home,pretending to be fine,going to bed,pretending to sleep, cutting, crying, taking pills to sleep.Wishing I wouldn't wake up.Sometimes I can be happy.That shallow sudden happiness from a small event that doesn't last.Mostly I just feel like I have nothing left to live for.That's all I can stand to write for today.