So I've been working on this story for a while now.I decided to show you guys.I'll put maybe a chapter for every day I'm on because I think I have 15 chapters already.So here's chapter one.It's pretty much finished after editing and editing.Yes it's called Bleeding.
Chapter One
"Janey!"My mom yelled from outside of my door.It jolted me from my day dream.I shook my head trying to clear it.I realise she has probably been trying to say something to me this whole time.I turned up the volume on my mp3 player and settled back against my pillows.My dreamworld encirlcled me as I listened closer to the lyrics of the song playing.I was starting to lose myself in the singer's problems when the banging on my door was audible over my music.
"I'm cleaning my room."I murmured quietly.I know she probably couldn't even hear me over her own voice.I could hear her yelling but tuned her out letting myself get lost in my music again.My stomach filp-flopped along with the singer's as she described her love for a man.Suddenly my heart felt cold.I flopped on my stomach and turned it to a metal song.I took out my homework and began scribbling furiously.I always did homework to a metal song.It made me write faster.My heart was still freezing after the metal ended and changed to an upbeat dancing tune.I rolled my eyes wondering why I ever put it on my mp3.I relized my heart was beating faster from the metal song.It always did that to me.I closed my eyes and changed it to a slow song.I steadied my breathing.It was a slow process but nessecary.After my slow song was over another more familiar song came on.It was "You're Beautiful"By James Blunt.I always pretended he was singing to me.I smiled whispering the lyrics to the song.A face appeared in my mind.I shook my head trying to erase it but it stayed.My heart felt like it would crack from lack of heat.I flipped over onto my back and stared at my celing.
"You are ridiculous Janey,"I told myself,"Your heart can't feel cold.It's all about body temperature."I knew it was true but my heart did feel much much lower than bpday temperature.It was something that happened to me sometimes.When I was sad.When I was really sad it hurt.I pulled my blanket over my head and turned down my mp3.I always thought James Blunt sounded better when he was quieter.Sometimes everyone should just whisper.
"Janey...Are you...ok?"I heard a deep voice say a few feet from me.I sat up suprised. It was Randy.My mom's roomate's son.He was a year older.He never came in my room.I quickly pulled out my ear buds.I had locked my door.How could he of gotten in here?I asked myself silently.It was locked.My lock works.I know it does.I paid money to make it work really well.I didn't want people coming in.I noticed that he stood there still waiting for my answer.
"Uh..."I replyed uninteligently, looking at him.Then I could tell he had been sent to check on me.He looked desperate to get out of there.His bangs partially covered his eyes which were darting around like something would tackle him out of nowhere.He stuffed his hands into his pockets and shifted nervously from one foot to another.For some reason it sent me over the edge.If he didn't care he shouldn't barge in my room.He shouldn't be in here anyway.It was my room.What right does he have?"Why are you in my room?Just get out and next time they send you tell them to go to hell!"I said my voice rising and my face getting hot.What right did anyone,his mom or my mom,to send him in here to check on me.What right?It's my room!I balled my fists at my sides but tried to keep any emotion out of my face.My room was my sanctuary,my only one.I pointed to the door.
"Chill!"He threw his hands up in surrender.Then he looked at my arm.MY sleeve had rolled down slightly.His face twisted into something I didn't understand.He turned around and left before I had blinked.I ran to the door and locked it.I laid down on my pillows turning my mp3 loud.It was another metal song.The drums and guitar were louder than the screaming singer.For a while I let my anger sizzle with the metal song blaring.Eventually my true nature got the better of me.
He didn't deserve it.It's not his fault.Tears welled in my eyes."Why am I crying?!"I screamed in my head.I cried for everything.I couldn't keep the damn tears away.It was just everything now.Everything on top of everything.It's made me too damn emotional.I looked down at my left arm.I swore under my breath.A sob stuck in my throat.I slowly pulled up the sleeve of my sweater.Even pulling the soft cloth over my arm was painful.I looked down at my left arm.The tears rolled down my face.Every old and new cut stood out like black on white.I ran my finger down my wrist to my elbow.Like little imperfections,little mistakes.I ran three fingers bak down my arm.Feeling the cuts.Remembering each one.Each one was like a story.A story from another day.Old and new.Most weren't going anywhere.I pulled the sleeve back down over my arm.The cloth of the sweter snagged on the scabs and pulled at them.I slowed dow so that I wouldn't bleed.I laid back down,pulled the blankets back over my head and turned my mp3 up.Under the warm blanket I curled into a tight ball.Suddenly my sob escaped.More followed.There was nothing I could do now but wait for them to stop.I let the sobs shake me as I thought about my cuts.I went over the times I had made them in my head.The song switched.It was "Invisible".That's what I am.I thought to myself.Invisible.
I pulled the blanket down once my sobs had turned to hiccups.I opened my eyes and looked at my tightly pulled black curtains.They didn't let any light in.At all.I thanked my salary from my summer babysitting for my new room.My new lock.I ran my hand down my black pillows and over my black blanket.I turned over to look at my dresser and closet.All black.The only thing that wasn't black was the painting on the walls,celing and door.The paint was gray.A dark gray,daring to be black.My mom hadn't allowed me to paint it black.It all made room seem very dark.Like when I was under my blanket.Fuzzy and sleepy.I liked to be in the dark.It made life seem less real,less frightening.
I stood up looking into my mirror.I brushed my thick golden hair.Alot came out in my brush.My bangs were finally long enough to cover my eyes a little.I wiped away my tears and blew my nose.
"Great.I look like a fricken model."I said sacastically looking at my blood-shot green eyes with the ugly black circles underneath from lack of sleep.My skin was too light.I looked like someone who was sick."You are sick,"I said to my reflection,"You're sick in the mind."I pulled a jacket around me.I was cold. Always cold.I walked out into the kitchen.It was around nine at night I guessed.I got some cereal and a bowl.It was all I ate all day.Every day.Nine at night.Cereal.My only meal.
"Hey."I heard from the doorway.It was Randy.He wasn't looking at me.He hardly ever looked at me for more than a second.He always seemed to be distracted by something no one could see.His light gray eyes seemed to harbor a secret he couldn't tell anyone.His black hair curled in the back and his bangs were almost always over his eyes.He seemed apologetic but I wasn't feeling sorry for him at the moment.
"Go away"I whispered staring into my bowl of flakes.I knew he didn't deserve that but I knew he didn't care.No one did.If they don't care they can go away.I don't like being around people who don't care.We both know they don't like it either.
"What's your problem?"He asked,not unkindly but in a sympathetic way,as he left the room.I stared after him bitterly narrowing my eyes.
"You'll never know."I whispered holding my spoon so tightly my knuckles were white
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