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Well, I got up at eight this morning and i have to go to the store and get my mom and birthday card and a mother day card and i'm just waiting for my dad to get up because he going with me and stuff. I'm just hanging out in my room thinking about everything that is bothering me and i'm not sure how to handle it anymore. I have this feeling that things are some what going to be alright but my friend john tells me that a lot and i'm greatful to have him in my life as a friend and someone i can talk about things to and everything. I could not ask for anything better because i have my days where i just don't feel like doing anything and then i have other days where i can do what every i feel i have to do and it's kind of great if you ask me and everything. I just got back from the store and i'm now going to finish this blog journal because i'm not sure on what you all want to hear about and everything.
I'm just waiting to go to church because i really like going and learning about god and how he works and how he tries to help you deal with all the problems that you have and everything. I just could sit there and listen and know that he is watching over me and not going to judge me and everything if you know what i'm talking about. I just don't want to think about all the bad times that i had and i just want to think about all the good times that i'm having with my life and everything if you know what i'm talking about and everything. I just don't know what is really going on in my back of my mind and i have to move on with my life and i just don't know how to do that anymore you know what i mean and everything. I have to go on and think about what matters to me the most because i feel that is going to help me think about all the things that i need to think about in my life.
I'm just trying to find pace and happyness in my life and that seems to be so hard to find. I always think that i'm looking in all the wrong places but then i always think why do i care i'm just me and i don't have to worry about it anymore you know what i'm talking about. I'm not going to bring my self down for anything because i'm not trying to do that anymore and i just want to be me and i'm not sure you all know what i'm trying to say but right now i'm just want to be happy and i hate when people fucking judge me and think they know me because they really don't and i'm not sure i can handle that kind of pain anymore you know what i'm talking about and everything. I just know who i am and that is not going to be anything different if you know what i'm talking about. If you ask me i've had a hard life and i know what it takes to make it in this world that we call home and i just have to know who i can trust about things that are deeply bothering me and i just don't know how to share it you know.
To be honest with myself it's hard to understand who i am sometimes and i figure i have to go and find who puts me down all the fucking time and we all know who that can be and that would have to be Amanda peck and she a bitch who i really don't want to talk about anymore. She is the one person i thought i could trust with my life and then i find out the wrong way that she not worth my time and i just don't fucking care about her anymore. I'm just trying to so hard to excess baggage and i don't know anything about it yet and i'm still learning if you know what i'm talking about and everything. I'm always trying so hard to find my way on my own but right now i have to have jesus help me through this hard time that i'm going through and the fears that i have and shit.
Well, I just got home a few min ago from church and i really love what the pastor say today because he everything that going on in my life and now i have to chooice if i want to forgive Amanda peck and i'm not sure if i'm ready and i think she has a lot to learn about being a a good friend and also about being a mom because she is going to lose her baby and i'm going to fucking laugh about it and i'm not going to fucking help her try to get that baby back because she worth less and she really needs to find god and let him help her because i'm sure she can use the help and i've tried to help her and she don't want help. She wants to go down the wrong path in life and that totally wrong because my pastor would say that it is. I'm thinking that wism is the best thing for me because i know that god does not want me to feel pressure about things. Sometimes i have a lot of fears and when i talk to my friends about it they try to help me deal and that is great i guess. I think that i have to make a commitment to god and jesus christ and i want to be there daughter and i can't wait to learn more about them and let him in my life and let them take away my pain and my fears that i have about life and everything.
Well, Everyone I'm going to end this here for today, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going in my life, So pace out everyone bye for now.
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