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what's going on with me

Well, Today i have been sitting in my room thinking about things and it's totally has confused me and mess me up in the head really good and i just don't understand. I just don't understand how all of this has happen but i guess i'll have to turn myself back on and everything. I just don't feel like things are ever going to go back to where i have them because the more i think about it the more my head is hurting because of all the drama and all and everything. I just wish i could get this all out of my head and out of my system and it's a lot of pressure if you ask me.

I really thought that everything would be alright but i guess i was totally wrong on that. You have to have a lot of hope about you're life and everything. I just don't have any ideal how all this got all mess up and how can i make things better because i have no ideal and everything. I just wish that i could make things alright but once again i'm not sure if i'll have all the help i can get. I'm not trying to sound like a bitch or anything but right now i need god and his guide because all the pressure that i did have will be all gone and i won't have to worry about it. I really feel like my heart is torn and it should get better i'm hoping and everything.

I really don't want my heart to tear out of my chest anymore then it has because i'm done with all my ex boyfriends and all there dumb fuck drama and the emotions that comes with it if you know what i'm talking about. I've always thought that i would be alright but i guess i won't be because i need to find out what i really have to find out and everything. But i just don't have the heart to really say want is on my mind and how much i feel for that and everything. I always thought that things would be great when i find that special someone and i'm not sure if i'll ever find my one true love and i'm hoping that it will be soon and everything.

I'm just tried of all the mind games that guys play with me why can't they just be truthful to me and then i would not have to worry anymore and stuff like that. I would give anything to be with someone who knew everything about me and loved me for me and not played me like i'm nothing and then use me mentally and physically and emotionally. I really don't know what to do anymore and i feel like i'm not going to ever change my ways because i should not have to and everything. I'm always the one that is faithful in the relationship and why can't the guy be the same if you ask me i'm never sure about that and it's totally wrong actually.

I just don't want to be that girl anymore. I'm just going to be who i am and if people don't like that then oh well because i'm just me a girl who loves to have fun and spend most of her time at home with her friends and family and everything. I just don't have anything to prove and it's not like i'm going anywhere any time soon you know what i mean. I just have my faith and if people don't like my personality then it's there fucking problem because it's sure is not mine anymore and everything. I just don't feel like i have my own life and from now on i'm going to because then i don't have to worry about other people and they fucking problems and everything.

I'm so glad that things are going to be a lot more better for me because i'm just tried of all the shit that goes on and it's not my fault anymore and i can quit blaming myself for all the things that goes on because that is how i see it and everything. But don't worry i'm not going to let anything happen to me again because i'm not going through that heart break again because it the worst feeling i have ever felt in years and i won't go through it again i promise all you that. I just want to get on with my life and not have to worry about all the she said he said shit because that is what fucking bugs the shit out of me and i'm tried of figuring it all out and i'm sure you know how i feel about that and i'm thinking of getting off line for a few hours and everything.

Well. I'm going to end this here, But i promised to write more later on, So i'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me, So i'll see you all later on bye.