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Well, Today i had to go to the doctor with my dad because last night he ask me if i would go with him and everything and i'm like sure it's you not me and everything. Right now i'm just waiting for something to do because i'm totally bored and it driving me crazy and nuts and the same time if you know what i mean. I'm just sitting in my room listen to music because that how fucking bored i am and nothing really going on today for me to write about in my blog and journals so i guess you're going to get my bored old life today and everything.
I just don't really know what to talk about right now because i don't have anything bugging me today if you know what i mean. I have been thinking about my ex boyfriend James and i'm just wondering if he would ever give me a chance to be friends with him again because i miss hanging out with him on the phone and i know that he helps me through a lot of things and i'm just trying to understand why he would cheat on his wife and shit but i guess if he wanted me to know then he would of call me or email me and told me about it and everything. I just don't know what he was thinking and i guess i'll never know if you know what i mean.
I just know that all i'm trying to do is be a good friend and it's not my fault that people just like to judge other people you know what i mean. I really wonder if he ever thought about me because i'm just trying to understand how is mind works and how does he always like to hurt the people that are around him and it's kind of dumb if you ask me but who wants to know what i'm thinking because i'm never sure anymore if you ask me anything. I actually have my mind right where i want it and it's not going anyway because i'm just happy to know who i am and were i stand with people that i know and everything. I'm not going to play childish games anymore it's fucking pointless to me and everything and stuff like that.
I have such a beautiful soul now and i'm thinking that my heart is all heal and just does not want to be hurt again and i'm thinking that not going to happen for a while because i'm totally trying to think about what matter to me the most and it's kinda of hard when you just don't know things that turn out to be some what good and then turn out to be bad most of the time and it's sometimes get on my nerves most of the time if you know what i mean. Always think that things are going to be alright but they turn out to be bad and i'm figured out things are going to be okay because most of the times i turn out to be a bitch but that i really don't mean you know what i mean and everything. I'm not trying to sound like totally bat case but anyway that could happen some day soon i'm not saying when through.
Well I'm just hoping that i can get things in my love life to turn around for me and then i'll be alright and i'm really hoping and shit like that. I just know that things should always be right where i want them because i'm tried of playing games that end up in mind games and that drives me even more crazy and nuts at the same time if you know what i mean. Right now i'm just trying to find out things that i've know that are there but i can't put them where they need to go if you know what i'm talking about. Well i just don't know if i can help james find who he is and how much he has change it's not the same person because i've totally am lost for words and it's hard to know thing about people that you thought you knew but i guess i don't.
Well yall i'm kinda tried tonight so i'm going to end this here. I'll keep you updated on how thing are going and everything. Night yall bye.
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