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I can't believe that me and Amanda peck are fighting again and i can't handle the stress that goes on with this and everything if you know what i mean. I just don't want to drop down to her level and the the games that she is playing with my mind and it's making me second guess my friendship with her and everything. I'm not trying to sound like I'm mean or anything like that but i have to say what is on my mind and she makes things out to be like it's you're fault. When she should be talking the blame for most of the shit that goes on.
Couple days ago i got weired phone calls at three in the morning and I'm thinking why would you give out my number and i never told you that you could and everything. Well finally i call her up yesterday and ask her if she gave out my number and she fucking totally lied to me and I'm like just tell me the truth and we won't have a problem and everything. I just feel like she needs to tell me the truth and everything would be just fine but i guess she rather lie to me then tell me what i'm really after if you know what I'm talking about if you know what i mean.
All i want is for her to tell me that she did it and then we would go from there and work things out and everything if you know what i'm talking about. I just want to continue with my life and i just don't know what i'm going to do if you know what i'm talking about. I just really feel like amanda talking advantage of our friendship and that is not cool do to because what would happen if you did that and i'm not always there for her to bitch about things and it's not my fucking problem anymore she is a trash and it's not my fault anymore.
I'm not going to sit around and wait for her to tell me what i can do and who i can go out with it's fucking wrong if you ask me and i'm not letting her back in to my life like that. the friendship that i have with Amanda is based on lies and it's not healthy if you ask me. I just want to be able to date who i feel like has more to give me and it's not her business who i go out with and everything and it's needs to stop if you ask me. I totally think that she needs to grow up and start doing things on her own and not always telling dan the whole problem and it's kinda of fuck up if you ask me but i don't care anymore. I'm not going to let her bring me down over all this shit and it's not going to made anything better because she fuck up and she is going to pay for it and if that means beat her fucking ass then i'll do so and i won't get in problem she will.
The one thing i do regret is ever being friend with a gurl who lies about everything. Why should i stay friends with someone who is going to lie to me all the fucking time and thinking that not a healthy friend ship and i really don't need that in my life. I need true friends that are always going to support me in things that i do like losing weight and being a lot more healthy and just live my life to the way things are if you know what i mean. I also need to take control over my life and how i live it because i'm just trying to be me and it's not my fault that i have to make all this right moves in life and everything. I just don't know what i'm going to do anymore and right now i'm not even sure how to feel anymore because of all the bad shit that has gone on.
I can hold a lot of grudges on people and one thing is i'm going to hold one on Amanda because she nothing but a fucking bitch who needs to just leave me the fuck alone and get over her self and just learn how to live her own life and not through me and everything. I just don't want to have this on my shoulders all the fucking time if you know what i'm talking about. I'm tried of listening her bitch and cry over the dumbest things and she don't know when to fucking stop and it's making me guess a lot about things because i'm tried of this game please just leave me alone and let me deal with my own problems and everything.
I'm tried of dealing with her fucking problems and it's driving me nuts and crazy and everything else that comes with it if you know what i'm talking about. I'm just trying to be my own person and it's not my fault that she is trash and lives with trash to if you know what i mean. I'm sorry but i have my own random thoughts and i'm thinking that they are funny if you ask me. I just don't want to go through this pain anymore if you know what i mean. I'm just hoping that things with me don't get all weired for me because i'm not sure if i can handle that if you know what i mean and everything. I'm just happy to have my life back to where i want it to be.
well i'm going to end this here, I promised to write more tomorrow, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me bye for now.
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