I have attended many single events. I have gone to parties sponsored by online dating services like Jdate and participated in "speed" dating events, lock and key parties - you name, I tried it. For the most part, I hate them. In fact, my friend asked if I wanted to go to one tomorrow night to which I responded "No way. Singles events always suck". She said "You never know. It's like going to a bar but at least you know everyone in the room is single". I stuck to my guns and said "no". First of all, the girls are usually in their 20s and the men are usually in their 50s. Of the men who might be considered "age appropriate", it is the biggest nerd who usually approaches me. Because everyone has feelings and deserves to be treated kindly, I am never rude to these guys, nor do I blow them off immediately. I am nice for about 5 minutes before attempting to politely walk away. It's not always easy because some guys are just really persistent and often times I spend a big chunk of the night talking to a guy I never plan to see again when I would rather chug my drink and leave in time to catch the end of Grey's Anatomy. Furthermore, while the parties always claim to be open bar, there is usually one bartender attempting to service 200 people, and the special often consists of well drinks containing cheap alcohol which results in me being hungover the next day. Bottom line, I hate going to singles events and have pretty much made up my mind that I've probably attended my last one. (I write "probably" because I never say never.)



I would much rather attend events which revolve around an activity that makes me happy and, if I meet a nice guy, it's just an added benefit. That way, I enjoy myself regardless of whether I meet a man, the latter which becomes secondary to the activity itself. For instance, I joined several "clubs" on Meetup, including a dinner club (because I love trying new restaurants), a Yankee fan club (because I love my Yankees and like to watch the games with fellow fans) and a Buffy The Vampire Slayer fan club (because, well, I loved the show and unless you've personally experienced its brilliance, you should stop laughing immediately.) Since I have never gone to any of these events with the expectations of meeting a guy, I have never been disappointed when I haven't. In fact, my favorite Meetup is for "girl's only" - it is a chick-light book club. The organizer chooses a different chick light book (kind of like a chick flick in print) and the "club" meets once a month to discuss the book. The conversation usually expands beyond the book to other, more personal, subjects such as careers and relationships. Since many of my female friends have moved out of the city, participating in this book club provides me with the opportunity to meet new, interesting women in the area around my age who, at the least, share my interest in "light" reading.



I've been to three meetings so far (last night the most recent) and, although 80 or so people usually rsvp "yes", between 8 and 20 people have shown up each time. I've never seen any of the girls at more than one meeting but, despite the fact that I have (so far) not made any lasting friendships, I always manage to have such a good time talking to the women and sharing our opinions on the book and other subjects of common interest. Last night was no exception. There were about 12 of us, all in our 20s or 30s. I was really impressed with these women, especially the younger ones. I never thought of joining a book club in my 20s and, instead, spent my free evenings at happy hour, the aforementioned horrible singles events, the gym or on my couch watching the final seasons of Friends and, as such, these women struck me as more "sophisticated". (While books about a shopaholic, a girl who works as the assistant to the bitch from hell or the girl who steals her best friend's fiancé would likely not be considered "sophisticated" in any dictionary, "reading" anything is certainly a more intellectual activity than playing beer pong at the local Irish pub.) Additionally, these women's opinions on the subjects of marriage, weddings, friendships, relationships etc. struck me as more grounded than mine at that age. When I was in my 20s, my friends and I used to talk about our "weddings" - who would be in our wedding party, what color the bridesmaid dresses would be, what we would choose for our wedding song, etc. and seemingly gave no thought to the "marriage". Most of these women did not dream of a million dollar wedding with 14 bridesmaids and thought it was crazy to spend one's life savings on a single night or, even worse, take out loans to finance the event. One girl even said she would rather get married at City Hall and use the money she would have spent on a wedding for a down payment on a house. These young women agreed with my current feelings on the subject, namely, that while a wedding is an event that should be celebrated, a marriage is (hopefully) forever and the "planning" of the wedding should not become more important than the relationship itself. From what I gathered, these woman also seemed less likely to waste as much time as my friends and I did crushing on the "bad boy" or otherwise inappropriate male. It was when I reached my early 30s that I began to feel more comfortable in my own skin, yet these women already seemed comfortable with themselves and, based on statements made during the evening, struck me as less likely to spend years with the wrong guy because they thought it was better than being alone.



Usually, when I am around women in their 20s and 30s, it is easy to separate the quarterlifers from the thirty-somethings. Last night, with the exception of a few more wrinkles/grey hairs, the age difference was virtually non-existent. I won't generalize and say that all women in their 20s are wiser now than they were in the mid-late 90s, because it could merely be that the women I met last night were exceptional and do not reflect the "norm". Regardless of whether these women are representative of all NYC women in their 20s, I would like to give them due props and hope to see at least a few of them next month.