I really do not like being "bad" at things and am usually reluctant to participate in activities I know I don't do well (for example singing karaoke, playing softball and taking step aerobic classes). So, when a friend asked me to go ice skating this past weekend, I was surprised at how quickly I said "yes". Although I was a kick-ass roller skater in my early teen years, I have ice skated less than a handful of times in my life. I am not the most graceful person in regular shoes, so put me in a pair of ice skates and there is no limit to the damage I might do to myself and others, not to mention how stupid I might look. A few years ago, maybe even last year, I probably would have come up with some excuse as to why I couldn't go, especially since my friend wanted to skate in Brooklyn. (Not only would I have to risk my pride ice skating but I'd also have to venture off of Manhattan to do it!) But, I truly had no desire to make up an excuse this time. I don't know why, but the idea of ice skating in Brooklyn, a borough with which I have little familiarity, actually felt like an adventure. Plus, our plans included going to an Austrian restaurant/bar afterwards for some warm wine and ethnic food. It sounded like fun and a stray from my usual Saturday plans involving mostly running errands, going to the gym and napping.

I recall being surprised at how unafraid I was as I laced up my skates and proceeded towards the rink, quite contrary to how I probably would have felt only a few years ago when I would have likely been overly concerned about falling and looking like an asshole. And, guess what? While I did not skate like Kristi Yamaguchi, I wasn't all that bad! For sure, I was VERY cautious the first lap around and did not remove my hand from the rail for a second, but after a while, I noticed that my legs actually felt pretty solid in my skates and I ventured off of the rail. At first, I just counted "one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi" before holding on again but after the first lap, I only held on to enter and leave the rink. Don't get me wrong, I was not "good". Anyone watching me would certainly know that I was a beginner. Furthermore, I am not even sure I had fun. I think it is pretty difficult to have fun when you are concentrating so hard on not wiping out. That being said, the whole experience was exhilarating and left me in such good spirits for the remainder of the day. Mostly, I was just proud of myself for venturing out of my comfort zone and trying something new.

I think my change in attitude towards ice skating is an analogy for the way I am starting to look at life in general. I have never been much of a risk taker and, in fact, have always played things pretty safe. I have always been afraid of the consequences which often come with taking risks. I never liked to look stupid, or leave myself open to ridicule or rejection. Things have started to change, mostly in the past year. I won't say that I am this huge daredevil who flies by the seat of her pants ("to hell with the consequences") but I am learning that life is too short and most of the negative "consequences" I have spent so many years worrying about are temporary and don't mean much in the grand scheme of things. So what if I fall ice skating? So what if I smile at that guy at the bar and he doesn't smile back? Who the fuck cares? Will I remember that embarrassment/rejection even six months from now? I am also much more willing to take bigger risks, like risking my heart. Sure, it hurts like a bitch when the risks don't pay off and, so far, most of my risks have not paid off. But the way I see it, at least I am in the game and you have to "be in it to win it". As much as it hurts to put yourself out there and not get the return you hoped for, I think it is better to take the chance and cry for a while when it doesn't go your way than waste your life wondering "what if?" I am confident that one day, one of my bigger risks will pay off and leave me as exhilarated as this past Saturday of ice skating, only on a much grander scale. And if I fall a few times along the way, chances are, the bruises will heal in time.