| View Blog
|
|
|
I have been on many dates. It's true. With the exception of several "mini-relationships", I have been single forever and since I like men and do hope to meet the right one someday, I try to put myself "out there". So, yes, it is safe to say that I have been on many dates. Some of these dates were great, others were mediocre and still others were downright awful.
Most of the guys I have met throughout the years have been very decent and nice. Some I ended up dating for awhile, others liked me but I felt no connection, and some I liked but the feeling was not mutual. But one thing these guys all had in common was the ability to make the most of the hour(s) we spent together; getting to know each other a little, exchanging information, maybe sharing some laughs etc. I don't take each single date too seriously and really don't get torn up when a date doesn't turn into a relationship. I am just looking for one guy and I know I will find him someday. In the meantime, if at the end of the date, I can honestly say "he was a nice guy, although not for me", that's enough to keep me thinking positively and continuing to take chances.
Although MOST of the guys I have dated fall into the above category, not all "daters" are created equal and some of the men I have gone out with have been rude; some had zero personality; some were just clueless; others were liars; and some were just assholes. I have had some painful experiences and so have my friends. The good thing about bad dates is that they make for the best stories. I have shared below some of my bad dating stories as well as my biggest "pet peeves" when it comes to dating. I also asked my single girlfriends to share some of theirs.
Some of my stories first:
1. Remember the Jewish guy from Rockland County who spent about 5 minutes talking to me and 55 minutes talking on his cell phone? (The one my mom hoped I would marry so that she could invite his parents over for Passover dinner?) I must bring him up again because he was definitely the rudest guy I ever went out with. His behavior was simply not acceptable. Even if he wasn't attracted to me at first sight, he should have treated me with respect. Not to mention that I happen to be a really fun and interesting person, but he will never know because he wouldn't take the time to find out. And, I might not have been his "type" but his actions made me feel like an "Ugly Betty" (not that she would have deserved to be treated that way either.) I didn't think he was "all that" and certainly had no desire to rip off his clothes at first glance either, but I hoped to at least have a decent conversation with him over a glass of wine and perhaps find out that we actually enjoyed each other's company.
Guys, talking on your cell phone and checking your Blackberry every five seconds is really in poor taste. If you don't like the girl, so what? Keep the date brief but at least make an effort! And, if you are so busy that you cannot spare one hour talking to a girl, even one that you have no desire to see again, then you shouldn't go on dates, especially blind ones, in the first place. And if you like the girl, what kind of message do you think you are sending when you spend more time talking on your phone than to her? Do you think it makes you look "important"? If you expect to get a second date, don't do it. Even if you don't want a second date, don't do it.
I went out with a guy a few months ago who I met through an online dating site. He indicated in his profile that he was 37 years old and 5'11". He told me on the date that he was actually 39 and I could plainly see that, even in stilettos, to say he was 5' 8'' would be a stretch.
I didn't care about the age thing because, personally, I don't think 39 is old, at least not too old for me. I happened to think this guy was really cute so I didn't care about the height indiscretion either, but why do you guys lie about height and how long do you expect to keep the lie a secret? Do you not think we will notice when we meet you in person? Adding an inch is fine, but 3 or 4? C'mon! Do you think that you will get more dates if you say you are tall? You might get more first dates, but if a girl only likes taller guys, she probably won't want to go out with you again. (And, she will tell all of her friends that she went out with a short liar.) Bottom line unless the girl is blind or you truly believe you can make her fall in love with you in person with your charm and wit, don't lie. It's dumb.
3. I went out with one guy who asked me to pay my share of the bill because it is his policy to never pay on the first date. He said that he was "sick of girls who go out on first dates simply to get a free drink/free meal and then never go out with him again". He promised to pay if I went out with him a second time. I didn't think it was worth fighting with him because I already decided he was a cheap bastard but what I WANTED to say was "Dude, one of the reasons you probably aren't getting a second date is because you were too cheap to pick up the bill on the first one!" (This particular guy called me about 4 times the next day and when I told him that I didn't think we clicked, he responded that he didn't feel any attraction to me "right off the bat" anyway. Hmmm, I wonder how he would explain calling me 4 times by noon the next day...)
Men: You should pick up the bill on a first date. If you are so concerned about money, don't plan the date around dinner or expensive drinks. Take the girl to a dive bar but for God sakes, pay for the friggin pint of Coors Light and do so REGARDLESS of whether you want to go out with her again. Some men only pay when they want to see a girl again and that's just not right.
4. I went on a date with a guy who started every 5th sentence with "My ex…" If she's your "X", Y are you talking about her with me? And, I don't want to know about all of the psychos you have dated before either. You barely know me. How do you know I am not more psycho than she was?? When I am getting to know you, I want to learn about you, not you and your ex-girlfriend. When I date you, I don't want to hear all about your past dating experiences, I want to have a new experience with you. (The reverse of this is just as bad, namely, guys who ask all about your past relationships immediately and, in the case of online dates, want to know "how your experience has been on the site so far". Duh, obviously, my experience has not been completely successful if I am out with you instead of my boyfriend/husband. Don't ask that question – as a general rule, girls hate it.)
I was on the phone last week with a guy from an online dating site who told me that 3 of the 12 girls he met online were booty calls. Did he think I'd be impressed, like, "wow, he must be really hot if all those girls want to have sex with him!" I wasn't. I just assumed he was full of himself or just really insecure such that he thought telling me that other girls wanted to have sex with him would make me want to have sex with him too. Both qualities (conceited and insecure) are turn-offs. If you are conceited, get over yourself. Not everyone is going to like you. If you are insecure, don't over compensate, just be real.
The above are my own pet peeves based on my personal experiences. Listed below are some things guys do on dates that really piss off my friends. I have also added my own comments. (Hey, it is my blog, after all!)
1. Guys who talk about themselves the entire time and don't let you get a word in or ask about you at all. (Most girls don't like self-absorbed men. Further, most girls like when a guy shows interest in her.)
2. Guys who say "tell me about you". To quote my friend "put some thought into it, fucker and think of a real question to ask me." When you ask a question like that, it puts pressure on us to figure out what it is you really want to know and it usually leads to an awkward moment when we have to ask "like what?" or "what do you want to know?" Just get to the point. If you want to know what we do for fun, ask "what do you do for fun"? If you are curious about her major in college, ask "what was your major in college"? If you want to talk about movies, ask what movies we've seen lately. Just pick something specific, hopefully, not about our past relationships, and just ask. It's not that hard.
(Some guys really do ask stupid questions. I met a few nights ago who requested that I tell him something about me "that no one else knows". Now why would I do that? If something is so personal that I never told anyone else, why would I tell you, a virtual stranger? )
3. Guys who stare down the front of your shirt
(I will admit, I like when a guy notices my body so I won't be a hypocrite and say that I don't want him to check me out. But I do want him to be slick about it! Check out my ass when I go to the bathroom, but when we are sitting at the table, look at my face, not my boobs. If you don't want us to think that all you want is to get laid, don't act like all you want is to get laid.)
4. guys who rely on you to make all of the conversation. Most women like the man to take the lead in the conversation. It's more, well, "manly". I have nothing against "shy" or "quiet" guys, but don't ask me out if you have nothing to say to me. And, if I ask you a question, give me more than a "yes" or "no" answer. If you are uncomfortable talking about yourself, answer the question briefly and then throw it back at me. For example, if I ask, "what's your favorite type of food", you can answer "I like pizza. What about you?" I would prefer a more detailed answer like "I really like pizza. There's this great place on the lower east side that has the best sauce ever", but it is better than simply responding "I like pizza" and then staring at me while you wait for my next question.
Dating should be fun; not work. If a first date is hard, it is unlikely there will be a second one.
So, there you have them. I have shared some of the biggest frustrations when it comes to dating, directly from the lips of single women trying to make that elusive connection with the opposite sex. (If I've left out any major faux pas, please let me know!!) Of course, being rude, boring, self-absorbed etc. are equal opportunity offensives, and none of the above is meant to imply that men alone are guilty of being "bad daters". As I have never been on a date with a woman, I cannot comment on the bad behavior of my "sisters" when it comes to dating. Any input in that regard would be most appreciated. Perhaps my single girlfriends and I can learn something too.
|
|
Posted by Meredith on 2008-02-13 15:30:20 | Rating: | Views: 172
|
| |
|
|
| Blog Comments
|
|
|
|
|
When I read this, I couldn't believe there are guys like this out there. I checked your profile to see your age. I am 18, most of the guys I date go to the same school so we know all about each other. I spent the last 6 months jogging with Charlie, he is 42, married with 3 children. Every day was a joy to be with him. So my theory is this. Really interesting, fun to be with guys are snapped up by girls from the ages of 16 on. The pool of guys worth having just keeps shrinking until only life rejects are left. To find the guy you need you are going to have to dip into the gene pool of my generation (18 to 26). Good luck.
|
|
Posted by penumbra88
on 2008-02-13 15:58:16
|
|
|
|
|
And dating an 18 year old at my ripe old age of 36? Yikes!
|
|
Posted by Meredith
on 2008-03-05 10:15:43
|
|
|
|
|
I have to say, though this blog is back from February - its entertaining. I find myself reading all your entries. Great writing stlye.
|
|
Posted by Whitters
on 2008-03-13 17:09:58
|
|
|
|
|
Thanks so much, Whitters. Glad you liked the blog!
|
|
Posted by Meredith
on 2008-03-13 17:22:13
|
|
|
|
|
I like this one. I thought I had read most of your posts but I must not have back in February
|
|
Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-04-06 15:49:24
|
|
|
|
|
Good read =)
|
|
Posted by bellhop
on 2008-06-12 10:48:52
|
|
|
|
|
|
