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I think it was Mamacita who said in one of her blogs that some people should not be allowed to pro-create. I would say that about my father if I didn’t love my sisters (and being alive) so much.

My father is currently serving 1.5-3 years in prison on 3 counts of Identity Theft. I put him there. No, wait, he put himself there. He fraudulently opened up credit cards in my name using my social security number and, in total, charged close to $100,000. That total only includes charges made on credit cards of which I am aware because “Corporate” cards apparently do not show up on personal credit reports, or at least not right away. I am writing this blog instead of enjoying my Friday evening because waiting for me at home when I got home from work was a message from the collections department of yet another credit card company regarding a delinquent payment, this time only $13,000. I am so fucking pissed off right now, you have no idea. I would so much rather write about Camera Guy or even Brian but not my fucking pathetic excuse for a father. Not that he would have won Father of The Year before he committed this offense. His rap sheet as a shitty father is several volumes long.

My father left us when I was about four years old. Although I later learned that he rarely made his child support payments and left my mom on welfare and food stamps, he was still my “daddy” and I remember, with clarity, waiting for him to pick up my sisters and I on his rare (once a year in good times) visits. My sister Margie and I would sit on the loveseat in my Mom’s room and look out the window waiting for his car to pull up. It was always a Mercedes or some equally expensive, foreign car. I now realize that he probably couldn’t afford those cars and was likely not making any payments on whatever loan he took out to buy them, but at the time, I thought he was rich and important. His lies about meeting this actress and dating that model rang true to me because, again, he was my daddy. I now know that my father is a compulsive liar. My “daddy” missed our Bat Mitzvahs and most of our school graduations because he had something more pressing to take care of but, for some reason, we always welcomed him with open arms when he did try to act the part of a father. For several years when I was in High School and he was marrying his 2nd wife, we actually saw him quite frequently. He took us to Miami Beach and Orlando a few times a year where we wined and dined in fancy restaurants and stayed in 5 star hotels. (God knows if the hotel/restaurant bills were ever paid.) He took me to Bloomingdales for a shopping spree once when I was in high school and, even though I knew deep inside that he couldn’t afford the expensive clothes, I dismissed my feelings of guilt because, for once, I wanted to wear the nicest clothes in my grade and by God, I deserved it!

My father is a mathematical and musical genius. He went to the High School of Performing Arts and received a 4 year scholarship to the University of Michigan for music. The only acceptable vocations for nice, Jewish boys at the time were 1) lawyer, 2) doctor or 3) CPA and, since my grandfather was a CPA, my father studied at the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania instead. He then got his Masters at Colombia. With his Ivy League education and book smarts, my father COULD have been a very rich man while acting within the confines of the law. But, no, my father does not live in the same world as everyone else. In his world, laws do not apply to him and he is “too smart” to get caught breaking them.

Or so he thought. My Dad was arrested in 1990 for embezzlement. At the time, he told us that he was “taking one for the team” and that he did it at the instruction of his employer and did not want to “narc” on him. My sisters and I fell for this excuse until my father got out of prison only to commit yet another “white collar” crime and end up serving more time. We finally realized that my father was a criminal and not a good one at that. Had he been a good father, we might have cut him some slack but since he was also a deadbeat, there would be no second chances.

Or so we thought. Despite my father’s infidelities (on top of everything else, yes, he cheated), my mother still loved him. I had no idea that she was still passionately in love with him until recently. My mother rarely spoke about my father. She was in her late 30s when they separated and she managed to sow her wild oats prior to meeting my stepfather, dating lots of men. I think she was hoping to find a man who would take care of her and treat her the way my father could not. I thought my stepfather, God rest his soul, was the biggest pain in the ass. He was cocky, stubborn and talked with his mouth full, often choking at the dinner table, but he loved my mother, and I truly believed he loved me as well. In hindsight, he was more of a father to me than my “real” father ever was and I so wish I could thank him and apologize for being such a spoiled brat. Since he passed away of Parkinson’s disease in the late 1990s, it is too late for that.

A few years ago, while my father was still in prison for embezzlement and estranged from his second wife, my mother went to visit him. Afterwards, she called me and said “Mommy loves daddy”. (I almost threw up in my mouth.) My father was due to be released from prison but needed a place to stay. She offered to let him stay with her, in her spare bedroom, while he got his act together. My sisters and I thought she was crazy and threatened to not visit her while “he” was there. To skip ahead, over the course of several months, my father managed to charm us all into believing that, at 67 years old, he had finally realized his mortality and wanted forgiveness for all of his past sins. In his remaining years, he wanted to make up for as much lost time as possible. I was cautious at first but I fell for it. I really wanted (and needed) the love and attention of my Dad and he was certainly generous with it. He would visit me in the city for weekly lunches and always came bearing entertainment or fashion magazines which, apparently, he thought made up for not paying a dime towards my college education. But, he would call me his “baby” and, even though I was in my 30s, as his youngest child, I ate it up. Anyway, despite our growing closeness, I never forgot that he was a compulsive liar or a past criminal. Since his lies were seemingly harmless, however, I played along. For example, he told me stories about the various women who would come on to him on a regular basis, including a 20 year old woman at the bank. Please. My father is very handsome and doesn’t look a day over 50, but no 20 year old would give him a second look. Rather than confront him, I just smiled and kept my disbelief to myself. And, regarding his past criminal activities, I knew that my dad was a thief but I never thought he would steal from me, his own daughter.

On June 12, 2007, I was getting ready to leave my office to go to a Yankee game with Brian when I received a phone call from my mother. She told me that she found a letter from HSBC in my father’s room. It was a credit card statement bearing both of our names. As I never gave my father permission to open up a joint credit card in my name, I freaked out but I knew instantly that it was not just a misunderstanding. I started crying hysterically, ran into my boss’s office and told him the whole story. He knew my father had a past but I had never told him that he had been in prison. I was too ashamed. Alan suggested that I immediately call HSBC, report the credit card as fraud and check my credit report online. I did so and found 2 other cards that were opened without my permission, not surprisingly the two cards that had a balance, since I pay off my own credit cards every month.

I was told by the credit card companies that, along with reporting the cards as fraud, I had to press criminal charges against my father. Of course, I did not want to do this but I also did not want to be held responsible for debt that I had not incurred. With the support of my older sister and my closest friends, I managed to get through the next couple of months, dealing with the District Attorney, testifying before the Grand Jury and avoiding phone calls from my father’s supporters begging me to reconsider. I also worked through my own feelings of guilt.

My father eventually entered a guilty plea to a lesser crime and was sentenced to 1.5-3 years in prison. Although he sent me an “apology” letter, he never actually apologized for stealing my identity and potentially ruining my future credit. He merely gave me a lame excuse for doing what he did, namely, that his clients were late on their payments to him leaving him in dire straights. First of all, he was staying with mother rent free and she was making him dinner every night. All of his basic needs were met. Second of all, I read the credit card statements. His charges included Chinese food, membership in Colombia House records and, what I consider to be the most atrocious of them all, lunches with me in the city. He "treated" me to lunch using credit cards opened in MY NAME. Finally, he never explained his mindset for thinking that his own economic woes made it acceptable for him to steal from me. The bottom line is that my father was not sorry. He was just sorry he got caught.

In any event, I thought I had finally gotten over the hump and was ready to move on until a few months ago when I started receiving phone calls from Bank of America regarding unpaid charges on a corporate card he opened with my name and Social Security Number. With the help of the District Attorney, who was very supportive during the entire ordeal, I do not think I will need to press additional charges in order to avoid being held financially responsible for those charges. Again, I thought it was over.

When I returned home from work tonight, the last thing on my mind was my father. And when I saw the flashing red light on my answering machine, I never imagined it would be a message from yet another credit card company. But it was and God only knows how many more there are. So here I am blogging about my father instead of enjoying my Friday night, relaxing over a glass of wine.

Bluemoon once asked if I was always so “full of sunshine”. The answer is absolutely not and my sister offered to speak to her on my behalf in that regard. At the same time, I am not going to spend my weekend crying and feeling sorry for myself. Once I write this blog, I will enjoy a glass (bottle) of wine, watch some television and hopefully have a good night sleep. I know what I am dealing with, and am somewhat of an “experienced” victim of identity theft at this point – I will resolve this issue as I did all of the others. In the meantime, tomorrow is another day and, while my Dad might have screwed with my credit, I will be damned if I will let him ruin my entire weekend as well.

Posted by Meredith on 2008-03-29 14:59:00 | Rating:

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		Thank you so much for those kind words. It has certainly been a tough road and I have no idea when it will end. Everytime I think it's over, I am mistaken. I am TRULY sorry if you can relate at all to this story. It sucks the big one.
Posted by Meredith on 2008-03-29 18:04:10


		Meredith - you are another shining example that FANTASTIC offspring come from SHITTY Parents (whether they be FATHER of the YEAR (FOTY) or Mother of the YEAR (MOTY) types. Blog about your FOTY ... but don't let him ruin your day/week/month. When he's out of the way, back to Cameraman!!! :)
Posted by EasyToSay on 2008-03-30 03:02:42


		What he did to you is criminal The fact he did it to his daughter is sick The fact he wasted all that talent he had is a sin He will rot in the 99th level of hell, trust me
Posted by whiteknight on 2008-03-30 09:14:56


		Wow. I can't believe a father would do that to his own daughter. You are so strong! You did the right thing. I hope that there are no other credit cards and that you can put this behind you. I'm shocked that a father would be so selfish. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Posted by prelude2it on 2008-03-30 11:38:01


		I agree with bluemoon, I always admired you for your spirit, now I admire you for your strength. Wishing you all the happiness...truly. Big hug :)
Posted by angelwings on 2008-03-30 14:22:25


		I have spent so much time feeling ashamed that my father is a criminal but HE is the one who should be ashamed. It is nice to hear it from objective people though. Thank you all so much.
Posted by Meredith on 2008-03-30 15:35:39


		The nightmare will soon be over and I pray he stays away from you and your mother. I know these things are more complicated when our parents hurt us, but continued courage & strength, my friend. It was important to get all that out, good therapy. Keep "talking" until it's all out. Camera Guy can wait a bit, smile. Be well, Meredith. I am toasting you tonight with my own glass of wine.
Posted by Ellie2008 on 2008-03-30 21:12:54


		You deserve a lot of credit for having such a great attitude. Like that quote I recently wrote about, "You would rather climb a mountain than crawl in a hole!" You go girl! Keep climbing, there are no limits to how far you are able to reach, no matter who or what tries to knock you down, you will end up on top...I have a lot of faith in your future as long as you keep writing! Enjoy your evening!
Posted by roe on 2008-03-31 01:13:11


		and hey... isnt it nice to find out that in a crisis, you thrive, and dont crumble! Thats good to know about yourself!
Posted by roe on 2008-03-31 01:25:34


		I admire your courage and strength in both dealing with your problems and writing about them for others to read and I am sorry that your father has failed you so badly. Unfortunately we cannot pick our parents. Good luck.
Posted by hairytoad2005 on 2008-03-31 03:06:05


		As I was reading this I could hear your strenght, I hear you determination not to let this break you. Congratulations on being a strong determined woman who can stand proud when faced with adversity. And showing courage for all that you have endured. Be proud and be strong
Posted by KP on 2008-03-31 07:18:19


		I cannot believe that he did that to you! His own daughter! What a punk! Stay strong!
Posted by Mandie142 on 2008-03-31 15:13:08


		Thank you all for your support. This is the toughest thing I have ever had to deal with but, as they say, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". I hope so - I just got off of the phone with the credit card company now.
Posted by Meredith on 2008-04-02 12:16:53


		Meredith -- Here I was all bummed out because my Dad wouldn't list his house with me ... he didn't want me getting a commission off of it so he listed with another agent. This is nothing compared to what your dad did to you. I'm glad you pressed charges and stood up for yourself. I realize we don't know each other that well but I just want to say that you have the most beautiful kind spirit of anyone I have met. When I come to your blog I feel loved and accepted. You are much to nice to have bad things happen in your life. I wish I lived in NYC so we could have a cup of coffee and some girl chat. Sending along a hug, a chocolate chip cookie, a prayer and a wheelbarrow of good thoughts and wishes. Peace.
Posted by ColoradoDreamin on 2008-04-03 00:41:53