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I don't know what the hell is going on with me, but for the last two days I have in funk that I can not shake. I feel as if the world is about to swallow me whole! All the while, I have to be "on" for the real world. I can't show up for work with a go to hell attitude towards everyone, while I crash and burn. How is it that "we" (me") can put my feelings away for a later time and put on a freakin' happy face from 8:00-5:00?? It becomes a difficult task from time to time and sometimes I am not quite sure I will be able to turn the fake me on for other to see. Why is it that there is so much going on in the world and there is not much that I can do about it? I have stopped watching the evening news for it is just too much for me to bear. I know that I have issues that are small tiny blips on the map of life, whereas people are suffering tragedy left and right all over the world. I don't need to see people scrambling for food like animals as care packages are tossed from the back of a truck! What the f**k?!?!?!? Why do we need to see that??? I am rambling right now, just need to get some of the crap off of my chest. I feel as if I am drowning in a sea of despair right now!!!! I feel as if my life has no meaning/self worth right now. What if my family knew these things about me???? Would they think I was nuts??? I can think of a couple of people who would think that. Depression is a bitch to deal with. TONS of people think that depression is "made up" and that you (me) can just "shake it off". BULLSHIT. Only in the last four years did I realize what I had (depression) and that it could be treated. Years prior, I just thought that I was this raging hormonal lunatic that took THE MAJORITY of my rants and raves out on my family. For this I am truly sorry. I have told my children that I was a worthless mother for treating them in that manner all those years ago. Of course my children tell me that there is no reason to apologize, but my lord, what a BITCH I was!!! My poor kids.....As I write/rant, I feel a tad bit of relief, but I know that I am still feeling B L U E right now. |
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Posted by MeanJean on 2008-05-23 12:33:27 | Rating: | Views: 30
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it sucks that other people can function perfectly normal while people like us cannot get out of bed sometimes. I hear you sister. I have had depression since I was a child.
I hope you have a better day tomorrow. I am hoping I too have a better day tomorrow.
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Posted by hasnonn
on 2008-05-24 03:01:27
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