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| lost..... |
I feel like i'm in the ocean with sharks just circling me.
I know the money is good, but i don't sleep right anymore.I don't have a regular schedule. And I'm letting the alcohol take over me. Everytime i go to work, it's one drink after another until i forget. I feel like i'm going to die... I'm frightened of this life that i'm living.
a few drinks and i can start my night. I hate talking to these shallow, ugly, married men, who want to touch and see me naked, take me home, pay for me to grind on their pants. Its disguisting. Seeing life in that light, every single day. I feel sick to my stomach by the evil, nasty greed that these people have in their lives. I feel like i'm breathing in their bad air, evil energy.
I just want to go home and not worry about my parents. Without me doing this they wouldn't survive. My parents will lose their house. My mother is sick with epilepsy....
What do I do???
I would like to go to rehab for a little bit. I quit putting powder in my nose, almost kicked the eating disorder, but the money, the alcohol. It's evil..... I feel like a demon has his seductive hands wrapped around my neck, slowly suffocating me....
I don't want to be that person who gets paid, i want to be the person paying. I need to finish school. I feel so lost.
I can see these men look at me like they want to abuse me or take my money. I didn't realize how much i missed my husband until i've seen this shit. I'm being robbed of the love i have in my heart. I feel like i'm becoming empty to allow this into my life....
I think my last chance is going to be in january. I'm signing up for school either in san fran or vegas. If i don't sign up now, i feel like i'm going to drowned. I will be gone for sure... I hope i can trust myself. I don't trust myself. I need to save myself right now. Sometimes I just don't wanna do anything anymore.
God.... I'm so lost...
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Posted by Mea452 on 2009-11-03 08:33:54 | Rating: | Views: 40
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