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Are we having FUN yet???

Are we having FUN yet??
4:15AM     Wake up call. My 8wk old infant awakes starving and crying to be fed. I stumble to the bassinet pick him up, (only been asleep since 11:30) change him and groggily oblige. He finishes at 4:55.

5:00AM     Lay sleeping baby back in bassinet and flop back into bed.

5:05AM     Blake my 13lbs infant son starts to grunt loudly. (Too loudly for anyone to sleep through.)

5:20           The grunting continues….

5:40           And continues! Grows to a loud crescendo, stops for 1-2 minutes and then starts up again

5:55           Finally silence!! Aaaah, now I can catch some sleep…

6:05           “MOMMY! WAKE UP! It’s Morning time!!” yells my energetic toddler. She is 3 and cannot tell time. I try to advise her that it’s way too early to get up, but no amount of logic will work. But Mommy! It’s light outside, she continues to scream ( only 2 feet from what WAS a sleeping infant). I try again, “Shhhh Morgan, it’s too early, your Daddy isn’t even home yet (shiftworker) and you are waking the baby!!”
…..It’s no use… she is up…so now we all are.

6:15           Throw on some clothes, brush hair & teeth…muttering under breath the whole time…fuming over lack of sleep. Toddler continues to yell “MOMMY” (every 5 seconds) from the other side of the house…disregarding my continued exasperated assurances that I am getting dressed and will be with her in a minute.

6:30           Husband arrives home. Receives the Hero’s welcome..                   Daaaadieeee! Runs to him, gives multiple hugs and kisses. He is cheerful (of course) and wonders why I am not.

6:45           Husband goes to bed. I get toddler things and diaper bag together so we (toddler, infant and I) can go out to breakfast. (Husband’s suggestion, sounds MUCH easier than it is in reality).

7:05           Loaded toddler into vehicle, realized I forgot to take BP medicine, bring extra bottle and need infant sling. Race back upstairs to get both while toddler sits in running vehicle and infant sits in seat in the mud room.

7:25           Finally settled infant into car seat and pull out of driveway.

7:26           Toddler advises me she is “very sleepy”. To which I respond tersely..”Well, that is because you got up way too early Morgan, Mommy is tired too”

7:45           Arrive at IHOP. Settle into freezing cold booth with both children, order food and color quietly with daughter for a few serene moments.

8:10           Food arrives. Daughter digs in. My omelet is all wrong, I send it back to kitchen.

8:20           Daughter has progressed to laying down in booth and leaning on me because, “I’m TIRED Mommy!”

8:22           My omelette is back, I attempt to inhale it quickly as we are fast approaching second breakfast time for baby and he is stirring, meanwhile toddler is done eating/playing with food and is performing contortionist acts in the booth squished up next to me.

8:25           I have eaten exactly 3.5 bites of my breakfast and two sips of tea…                             “Mommy? I have to go pee”
               I pick up baby in baby seat (13lbs of baby & 8lbs of seat), throw diaper bag over my shoulder (another 8lbs), grab daughters hand and leave quickly cooling food to trek to the restroom.

8:40           Complete bathroom visit, after many rounds of
“Don’t touch that!!” “Because it’s DIRTY Morgan!”
To my now very cold food.

8:55           Give up and leave restaurant. (After paying of course)

9:00           Drive to secluded spot of parking lot to nurse the now loudly protesting baby. Keep car running, give Morgan pillow so she can rest, drag out bobby and reposition front passenger seat. Drag bobby and diaper back out of back hatch Put up sun screen on windshield for privacy, change baby on passenger seat while toddler insists on “helping” by hanging over back seat. Then proceed to feed baby under battle conditions. Morgan’s now wide awake and wants out of car, wants to sit in drivers seat of the running car, takes up whining and fake crying because I “don’t love her”. I am amazed my breasts actually ‘letdown’ so I can feed Blake.

9:40           Nursing is finally done. I drive us to the park.

10:00         Arrive at park. Morgan complains no one else is there to play with ( just one boy). It’s already 85 degrees outside. I strap Blake into the sling and walk Morgan to the slide. We stay at the park and play for a while, with one potty break as intermission.

11:30         Leave park with very sweaty and dirty daughter. Drive towards home whole time trying to keep Morgan from sticking fingers into Blake’s mouth, nose, eyes.

11:45         Pull into Walgreens to pick up diapers for Blake. Unload Blake, carry him, diaperbag and hold hands with Morgan into store. Purchase diapers with no incident..whew!

12:20         Leave store and pull next door for gasoline, leave both children in car and pump quickly as it is now super hot outside and car is heating up.

12:30         Home sweet Home again. Immediately fix Morgan small sandwich for lunch. And nurse Blake (bent uncomfortably over like a hunchback) in the playroom so she won’t be “lonely”. Advise Morgan it’s naptime, at which point she becomes unglued, crying and screaming that I NEVER let her play!

1:15           Override her hysterics and put her in bed for a nap.

1:25           Finally get to microwave myself some hot pockets for lunch…nutritious? No but quick.

1:45           Wrangle Morgan back into bed after a supposed bathroom visit.

2:00           Call another ‘Mommy’ and catch up for a few minutes.

2:20           Rc’vd call from my Mom; asking me to run errand for her today to a location a good ½ hour from my home one way! She guilts me and I agree to take care of it.

2:45           Finally get off phone with Mother, push back recliner for a nap

3:00           Pitter-Patter of Morgan feet wake me up from my cat nap. Go upstairs and get her to come down to watch a movie.

3:05           Hear hubby’s footsteps upstairs. Advise him of my errand duty. He agrees to help with the children so I can run errand.

3:15           Hubby comes downstairs to take over toddler duty and I go upstairs to feed baby.

3:35           Almost done nursing (5mins left), husband says he’s taking toddler to play. He advises me to “just take him (baby) with you” on my errand. Again, not as simple as the phrase betrays.

3:55           Pull out of driveway with baby in tow to run errand.

3:58           Speak with another Mommy friend to discover that a daycare friends childs party is today at 4pm!! I have no card or gift ready and it’s already past 4.... Shit....
                   Call husband to see if he can read card and confirm, he says yes it’s today but I should just go late. This doesn’t appeal to me at all, arrive with both kids in tow (stressful enough) but with no card or gift? I would feel like a total schmuck!

4:20           Arrive at storage place to pay Moms bill. Leave car running with baby inside to avoid hassle of pulling him out of it.

4:45           Call husband on road as I make way back to house to advise him I had no extra moment to stop and buy a card. He says “don’t worry about it” just come home and get Morgan “she’s excited about going!” WHAT??? Why did he tell her??

5:02           Pull into driveway, run upstairs (leaving Blake in mud room) to take BP pill and get diaper bag. Helpful husband hands me directions to the party. Morgan with bedraggled stringy, sweaty hair and dirty clothes climbs into the car to go. Pull out of driveway with sense of dread.

5:35           Arrive at party. Host’s husband answers the door and gives noticeable once-over glance and then disapproving glare when he determines I have arrived GIFTLESS!! My feeling like a schmuck really kicks in now.

6:20           Round up even more sweaty toddler to go upstairs with me and sit in host’s nursery while I feed baby. She is understandably not happy about this. I am tense, worried that anyone could walk in at any moment and catch my boob out in daylight. Miraculously my breast milk letdown still happens.

7:00           Feeding done. We once more join the party only to find everyone gathered in mass to open the gifts (feelings of schmuckness intensify since I haven’t provided one)

7:15           Decide to leave party but don’t want to disturb hostess who is in the middle of opening a sea of gifts.  (to which again I have not contributed).

7:20           Round up Morgan again who starts to make accusations of dying of thirst. I assure her we will stop on the way home to get something and a grandmother in the room takes Morgan to get a juice box. I feel she has determined I am a terrible Mommy for wanting Morgan to wait. I am now 2 inches tall.

7:40           As I try to slip out unnoticed, hostess spots me and stops what she is doing to take a picture of Morgan and give me a giftbag for Morgan. I am mortified and leave with proverbial tail between my legs.

7:50           On way home toddler has meltdown because she is now hungry (wouldn’t eat food that was provided at party, too busy playing) and thirsty and I don’t have provisions on hand! (BAD MOMMY!) I assure her we will stop for quick dinner before going home.

8:15           Pull into BK Lounge parking lot. When I try to remove Blake from carseat I discover the reason for his current mood of discontent…. His diaper has EXPLODED with poop. Baby hasn’t gone in about 31/2 days and now finally has. Poop is EVERYWHERE… all over his leg, his socks, the car seat and even his mittens! I try to lift him out of it and goo drips from his bottom. I proceed to flatten the Saturn’s front seat to prepare a changing area, get toddler repositioned in drivers seat and start working poo duty while standing in the heat hunched over the passenger front seat.

8:40           25 minutes later I have completed the diaper change and removed the polluted cushy out of the car seat placing Blake back into the car seat to carry into BK.  Morgan & I have a hurried dinner in the freezing restaurant. Our food gets cold before we can finish it and Blake is turning motled and complaining because he is cold now with no socks (soiled ones in car) and no blanket (ditto).

9:15           Load children back into car, feeling like white-trash because of the current state of appearance of both Morgan & Blake. And weary beyond belief both physically & mentally.

9:30           Unload children, heft wailing baby & car seat upstairs. Tell Morgan to change into P.J.s and join me in my bedroom. I strip and put on nightgown as quickly as I can (all the while using one hand to stuff the paciee back into Blakes mouth to muffle his screaming) and hop into bed next to Morgan to feed him.

9:45           PEACE…finally. Blake is blissfully breastfeeding, Morgan is entranced with her video and falling asleep.

10:15         Walk Morgan to bed. She fails asleep quickly (imagine that). Blake is still up, I go back to rock him a bit.

10:45         Blake finally nods off.

11:00         I lay down to sleep……WHEW! What a day.