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I got things into the trailer yesterday, not everything, but important things, like the TV, fridge, and microwave. I was sitting in there last night when Mark came home, he came out to take a look in there, and brought me some of his treasured Clorox wipes and started rubbing away at every little dirty spot he could find. We talked about the upcoming trip, and it went well, with no criticisms coming from him.
I slept in the trailer last night, and made my coffee in there this morning while watching the morning news. Now I'm back in the house, Mark has gone to work, and I'm going to make myself some breakfast in a bit, then get a shower and move more things out there to the trailer.
I just walked Buddy so that's taken care of for a while, and I'm checking the Thoughts forums to see what's going on there. One guy, a new member I think, Vin, told of what's going on with his mother who has gone into assisted living, and how she just drains all his energy with her toxic behavior and ways.
Oh boy do I know that one well! My friend Necro on there has a very similar situation, but her mother is suffering from congestive heart failure, and went into the hospital last night. Both their mothers are a good deal like mine.
I do not believe that any of us seven kids have talked to her in years, and that's for very good reasons. She was never a mother to us, none of us could ever go to her with a problem, if we tried she'd backhand us across the mouth at worse, or mock us with snide remarks at best. Her favorite was the sentence, "Oh you poor abused thing!"
All she ever cared about was having a worthless man in her bed, and did she ever have a talent for finding them. The last one I was there for was John. He not only wrecked our family, but those living around us as well. I hadn't thought that our family could be any more wrecked than it was when she married him, but as it turned out it could. John destroyed it.
He was an alcoholic asshole who quit his job the day after she married him and started drinking on her money. He took money from his alcoholic buddies to leave me alone with them, and when they didn't get into my pants they were pissed at him, and he at me. So he told mother and others that I was putting out for money, and my name was trash at school at home, and in the neighborhood. I don't know why I didn't get raped.
No one outside the family had any idea what she was really like. To them she was the cute happy sweet little girl, with the ready laugh (fake of course). She was well liked by those who didn't really know her.
For us it was a far different matter. We knew her for what she was, a toxic bitch who never stopped her endless negative bitching about everyone around her, never stopped trying to manipulate and use her kids in the lowest and shabbiest ways, and was forever putting us down as young smart-asses when we became adults.
She knew in her gut that we had grown beyond her, and she hated us for it, while at the same time doing all she could to make sure we couldn't escape from her, and that she could continue to use us as receptacles for her toxic negativity, ruin our relationships, and manipulate us. She hid Mark's letter of acceptance from the university, and he almost didn't find out he'd been accepted. He found out because they just happened to call the house when he was home.
She did her best, and quite successfully, while we were growing up, to keep us from finding out anything about our father, and with good reason. She had conducted herself like a total whore in that marriage, and she and her mother drove him away while we were still very young.
One of my sisters was the child of my Dad's brother, who she was sleeping with during the marriage. She was dating my first step-father when married to my Dad, and he even came to the house to pick her up! Dad told him to get lost, and mother just pushed him aside and walked out the door with Rand.
Rand beat the hell out of us four kids from her first marriage for 8 years, sending me to the hospital 4 times. His own kids, the three youngest, were blatantly favored over us. Mother never interfered with Rand beating us up. If we tried to go to her it was, "Oh you poor abused thing!"
She never gave a damn about what that monster did to her kids, as long as she was getting laid every night.
Now she's alone and old. I doubt there's anyone to take care of her. She's probably in poor health, and can't get any more worthless men. Gosh ma, you poor abused thing!
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Posted by Martina on 2008-03-19 08:30:22 | Rating: | Views: 78
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I feel your hatred for your mother.. and with just cause ! I know sorta how you feel. Look forward to your future.. don't look behind you, enjoy your trip and remember that your Mother's life and reasonings are not your responsability, you were abused, and now you are free. Experiance life to the full, make every day a new day.. Peace be with you and your friends x
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Posted by honey123
on 2008-03-19 09:19:19
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