Thoughts.com

~  I’m thankful for leaving work in a little bit.

~  I’m thankful for Taser for bringing out the best in me…& I told her that last night.

~  I’m thankful for the visit I’ll have with Jess & Sister tonight.

~  I’m thankful for John Axford, without him, the girls & I would not have a theme for our All-Girls Brewer game in September.

~  I’m thankful for hugs & “I love yous” from anyone…even KS (weird but still nice).

~  I’m thankful for my appointment with Mary the Counselor today, maybe she can give me ideas on how to deal with my hate of FEW.

~  I’m thankful for this upcoming weekend with Jill & the kids.  I think that it’ll be a blasty blast!

~  I’m thankful for Paul…just for being who he is & loving me for who I am.

This morning, Ashley sent me a link on 100 Ways To Be A Better Love Letter To The Universe (http://galadarling.com/article/100-ways-to-be-a-love-letter-to-the-universe?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter).  It really has me thinking cuz lately I’ve been holding on to such hate for FEW & I know that it’s not healthy & I try to control it but it’s so difficult.  Like right now, she’s at Paul’s house cuz Taser had her tonsils out.  I totally hate the idea that she’s sitting where I sit, she’s using stuff that I use, etc.  I don’t know how to be more calm about the whole situation.  She’s always gonna be around cuz she is Taser & Sunshine’s mother but I’m having such an issue with it.  I seriously wanna cry right now that’s how much it’s bothering me.  Why?  I know that Paul loves me but I’m always scared that if they’re all together that he’s gonna think “this is the way it’s supposed to be” & kick me to the curb.  I need to shut that little voice up…actually, it’s not very little right now.  It’s screaming!  Screaming so loud that my ears are ringing!  Make it stop, make it stop!

See, I’m just so full of negativity right now that I forgot the initial meaning behind this blog & that’s to love, to show love to my people & myself.  I need to start doing that & be better at it.  I know that I love a lot of people & a lot of people love me, even last night KS said “love ya” in a text to me.  This is a girl who is related to FEW & she loves me.  You know, actually the thing that probably bothers me the most is that FEW hates me & for no reason what-so-ever.  What have I done to her?  What have I done to her daughters?  I think that if she would just give me a chance that I can prove that I’m not this evil person.  I don’t know, I’m just so full of feelings right now & I don’t know how to deal with them & I just wish that I knew how.  I wish that Mama Lu was here to talk to.  She always has the right things to say & a hug to offer.

I’m sure that this blog was totally all over the place but that’s kinda like my feelings right at the moment – all over the place.

I honestly cannot come up with a title for this blog.  Brain is tired.  I went right from work, picked up the girls from Paul’s parents’, Taser & I got our eyebrows done, stopped at my house to change & get stuff for supper, over to Paul’s, made waffles for supper, I cleaned up, girls went outside, Paul came home (earlier than I thought), made him some waffles, cleaned up again, hung out, got Sunshine ready for bed, got a short backrub, gave Paul a short backrub & then headed home.  *yawn*

Tomorrow, FEW is supposed to be taking the girls (we shall see).  Then I’m supposed to meet Paul’s brother for the first time.  His brother, Mark, is in the area for business & I’m kinda nervous to meet him cuz, what I got from Paul, is that Mark is a lot different from him.  We shall see how it goes.  Eeek!

~  I’m thankful for the beautiful Glads from Sunshine.

~  I’m thankful that I’ll be getting my eyebrows done tonight – they are out of control!

~  I’m thankful that I’ll have some alone time with the girls this eve while Paul is golfing, I get them from his parents’ right after work.

~  I’m thankful that so far I have been keeping up with my plan of not giving Paul sex until he does something about the child support he’s paying FEW.  It’s been a week since we’ve had sex.

~  I’m thankful for all the upcoming plans I have – going to see Jess, heading to the eastern part of the state with Jill & all the kids next weekend, Aaron’s wedding, Badger game, Brewer game, etc.

~  I’m thankful that for Ryan Braun…he’s just so pretty & I love him!

~  I’m thankful that I finally got my Buddy stuff done.  Now, next step:  shipping him off (by the way, Ashley, you’ll do just fine with him!).

It was a long visit between Buddy & I but it was a good one.  He got to chill in Central Wisconsin for quite a long time & now he doesn’t want to leave.  He’s got to pick on Chandler.  He got to see Paul, Taser & Sunshine.  He enjoyed good ol’ Wisconsin sports.  He is, however, upset that he won’t see any Badger action but he did get one Packer game & many Brewer games on TV. 

Well, I guess that it’s time to start with pictures from his adventures with me.

We took a trip to the lovely Northwoods aka Minocqua, Wisconsin.  He loved it as much as I do.  This picture was taken on our way – we grooved to some Britney action…not quite sure he enjoyed that.  I think that he prefers Pitbull.  Ha!

This picture is as we are coming into Minocqua - the beautiful water on both sides, the many FIBs polluting the wonderful town & the many shops opening up their doors for shoppers.  Oh, I think I need some fudge from Minocqua Fudge.

Here he is after a long day on the beach at Crystal Lake.  He loved the campground/beach so much that he wanted to memorize the map of it!  Buddy, I’ve had that memorized since I was three!

Ice cream anyone?!  Buddy had a hard time picking out what kinda he wanted – New York Cherry, Moose Tracks, Bubble Gum or Cake & Ice Cream.  He went ahead & had some of each, he sure had a stomach ache afterwards.  He won’t be wanting ice cream anytime soon.

To remember his love of Wisconsin sports, he posed for each team:

Green Bay Packers – he couldn’t decide who he loved more, Clay Matthews or Aaron Rodgers.  So, he decided that he had enough love for the both them.  Go Pack!

Wisconsin Badgers – this picture is doubly special for Buddy.  Not only is he covered in Badger goodness but he’s sitting on the blanket that Taser made me for Christmas, he loved that blanket!  On Wisconsin!

Milwaukee Brewers – I could not pull him away from the TV when games were on.  He loved the excitement of the wins from the Brew Crew recently.  His favorite players are Ryan Braun, John Axford & Nyjer Morgan aka T-Plush.  Brew Crew – awhoo hoo!