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To The Moon And Back
I have started and stopped this blog a hundred times.  I've read others, wandered around on the web.  E-mailed back and forth with someone. 

Not that I don't want to blog, more like I don't know how to put into words, all the thoughts I have cramped up in my head.

How do I put into words the feeling I have right now given the news I was given?  Especially since the shot hasn't worked as of yet.

It's funny, I was the person who never really wanted kids.  I wasn't one of those little girls who carried her baby doll everywhere.  I never dreamed of the "perfect wedding"  and the house, picket fence, kids, and a dog.  I just never really liked kids.

Until I had one.  I got thrown head first into parenting without a life vest or a clue where to begin.  I just started treading water like hell trying to keep my head above.

I still don't have a clue what I'm doing, but I'm doing the best I can.

I am an only child and I know how lonley it can be.  I remember wishing I had a brother or sister to play with and fight with.

I don't know for sure if I want more children.  But what if I do?  Then where am I stuck?

My options are running out. 

I was telling one of my friends yesterday.  I hadn't told anyone about any of this until yesterday.  She just kind of laughed and said "I guess if you want another child, you better start now huh?"  

That statement really stung.  It really cut deep.  I wouldn't feel right trying to purposely get pregnant now, knowing that this isn't the best time.  I mean if it happens, that's something different, but me trying on purpose...I wouldn't feel right.  I just don't feel like I'm in the right place in my life. 

Are you ever in the "right place" though?

I dunno.

There's so much running around in my head right now I can't make sense of any of it.  It's like I'm completely lost without any hint of where to start...
Posted by Mamacita925 on 2008-05-02 09:50:54 | Rating: n/a | Views: 65


Comments


Posted by
pitapie50
on 2008-05-02 10:01:44
 
I don't believe its so much that your stuck, though you are trying to make sense of it for yourself. I wish I had some advice for you :) What I can tell you is how fortunate your little Kaylie is to have you for her mommy:) You're a very bright, kind and loving person. Give yourself time to think it through, you'll come up with the answer that will work for you :) Whatever it is, I wish you well :)
 
 

Posted by
EasyToSay
on 2008-05-02 10:06:05
 
From what I've read, you are a fantastic parent, and you are not only treading water, but you are making waves and showing your little girl that she is loved and wanted!

They say things happen for a reason, which I guess means jack when you are in the middle of it.

I wish you kind thoughts, a hug (cause I don't know you too well yet!) and positive thoughts to help you do whatever you want to do.

Best wishes.
 
 

Posted by
luckyluci
on 2008-05-02 10:10:26
 
I gotta agree with Pita here...Kaylie is lucky to have you as a mom...:)

Mama, i'm giving you another hug <> :) I wish there was something more i could do, if there is, let me know...:)
 
 

Posted by
Mamacita925
on 2008-05-02 10:17:31
 
Thanks guys, your words and virtu-hugs mean alot. I appreciate it. I may not know what I'm doing when it comes to being a parent but I'm trying my damndest!
 
 

Posted by
luckyluci
on 2008-05-02 10:26:45
 
None of us know...they don't come with manuals...lol! and your right, as long as we try our hardest...i think you should pat yourself on the back more often :)
 
 

Posted by
whiteknight
on 2008-05-02 14:33:40
 
You are in the right place when the strip says POSITIVE
I hate to say life is fate but it is at times
 
 

Posted by
Mamacita925
on 2008-05-02 15:12:45
 
I know WK, I know. It's just hard to fathom that this may be it for me....
 
 

Posted by
Nubian
on 2008-05-02 18:43:08
 
You are a great mom and there is a reason why this is happening. Right now you are in the middle of a storm and you must know that everything is being worked out as we speak. Mother went through the same thing what you are going through when I 6 years old. I remember her crying that she could not have no children. I will tell this I am the oldest out of five. There is a major through coming for you just prepare for yourself for it.
 
 


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Mamacita925
the 865, Tennessee, United States

Latest Posts
1.  Santa Monica (2008-05-08 08:58:51)  
2.  Hold me (2008-05-07 09:32:03)  
3.  Girl Fight (2008-05-06 09:02:14)  
4.  To The Moon And Back (2008-05-02 09:50:54)  
5.  Breathe (2008-05-01 09:45:10)  

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