Thoughts.com Blogs - Affirmation

I went to lunch and had a very long conversation with my mom. I couldn't talk to her in detail about it last night because of how mad I was. I'm Irish. I have a very bad temper. I thought it better to cool down and think about my reaction before flying off the handle.

When she answered I bascially told her that I would talk to her about what happened now that I had cooled down. I was going to talk and she wasn't going to say anything until I had finished. I told her I didn't appreciate the racist thought she had for some reason embedded into my daughters head. That she was the last person I would have ever expected to have something of that nature come out of her mouth. I told her what Kaylie said and what I said & that it took about 2 hours of an attempt to de-brainwash her. i told her it sounded like she had taken her to a white-premisist (sp?) rally with the hoods, burning crosses, the whole nine yards.

Then it was her turn. She told me race never came up. She told me what Kaylie said and what she said. I don't know if I believe her. How could I not believe my daughter? Then again how could I not believe my mom? It's a catch 22 at it's finest.
Basically I knew where all of this was stemming from. A friend. I gave him a second chance after fucking so very badly. He turned his life around for the better. He basically got a wake up call in the form of jail time. He knew he didn't want to go back and he would do whatever it took not to. So he started going to meetings. He went to court and they gave him a diversion with probation and community service. He got a job and has worked hi ass off. After he went to a couple of meetings he came to me and asked me to be his sponsor. I said yes. Everyone deserves a second chance. I couldn't give up on him. Hell if I hadn't been given a second chance I would have been dead years ago from an overdose. No exaggeration, I really would have been dead. Of course if he hadn't of turned his life around, I would have never agreed. But some people do deserve second chances.

She wasn't real thrilled about him being around alot, being in my apartment. It's my apartment first off, second off he comes over cause he knows it's a safe place. A refuge. He knows nothing illegal will be going on & there's not people coming in and out. I let him come over and hang out.

We talked for about 30 minutes or so. I got everything out in the open. Don't know how she feels about it basically because she didn't have much to say. She did say that I have a tendency to excuse peoples actions, mine, Kaylie's, hers, dads, everyones and I do it too much. Sometimes you just have to excuse people, in my opinion at least.

I dunno where this leaves me and my mom. We've had fights before though. I truly think this stems from her being around so much for the past 2 weeks and Kaylie being away from me. That was the longest I've ever been without her and it really started to wear on me. Plus that's the longest my mom's ever been around her. She basically had to be a single mom for 2 weeks after not having been around a 5 year old that much in 20 years. She realizes how hard it is to do what I have to do day-after-day. Being a single parent, male or female is the hardest job by far. Well worth it but hard as hell.

Anyways, I had to get all that off my chest. I know it's unusual for me to blog twice in one day...who knows I may do a third one for shits and giggles!!