Thoughts.com

I believe Jesus lived.
I believe he was sent here to enlighten us and teach love.
I believe he was self-less and gave of himself to all of mankind.
I believe in doing good even when it's difficult to do.
I believe in taking responsibilit for my actions, even when it's difficult to do.
I believe in an all-loving God.
I believe that God wants us to be with Him.
I don't believe that it is the death of Jesus that is important, but his life.
I don't even attempt to understand what or who God and Jesus are because I don't think I could understand it anyway.
I believe that everyone is deserving of  heaven and only people who choose to go to hell, which is just the absence of God. No more. No less.
I don't even attempt to comprehend heaven.

Am I a Christian?

It's my 31st birthday tomorrow. I really wanted to spend the day with my husband. However, he is not speaking to me. He told me once that love didn't exist. He said relationships were just a matter of hemical reaction and convenience. These last four words are how my husband, the love of life, sees me. Today, he hates me because I wanted him to help me get the house picked up before he went out drinking with his buddy until 2 in the morning. He had just worked a 13 hour day and thought I was being unreasonable. My mood have been reallu up and down lately because of my med change, so  really didn't handle it very well. Of course, when I apologized and tried to explain this, he simply said that I was hiding behind my illness and using it as an excuse to be a bitch. You see, my husband is very supportive of my disorder. I've been trying to steer clear of the ark spaces in my ind lately for fear of being sucked in. However, those dark spaces seem to look better and better here lately. I think I will spend my birthday alone tomorrow, melancholy and full of gloom. Maybe, I'll go to the cemetary and have a picnic. That always cheers me up.

It was two of my sons' birthdays this weekend. We had a huge bash. Bounce House, cake, ice cream, hot dogs, and not 1, but 2 pinatas. There are currently candy wrappers throughout my house from those fucking pinatas. Who thought of that tradition? I so want to kick their ass right now. I think that next time I throw a birthday party, I will stuff the pinata with cleaning supplies. My 4 year od is the worst. He will scale the fridge just to get a piece of candy. He is relentless. He loves to eat. Last week, I woke up to find the fridge wide open, an empty jar of relish, and my 2 year old covered in peanut butter. Apparently, my 4 year old decided that since he was up, he would make breakfast for the two of them. Peanut Butter and Relish sandwiches seem like the obvious choice for breakfast. Don't you think?

It's midnight and I'm wide awake. I'm out of Ambien and Nyquil. Neither ever worked anyway. The sound of his snoring would keep me up if I were trying to sleep. However, I'm not, so it's not. Isabella crawled into bed with us again. I wish I could sleep like them. Maybe I'll see what Hercule Poirot is up to....