So here we go...

I just feel so lost. It's not a depression, but more of a hurt. I guess I need to get this down because if I don't it will bother me forever but I don't want to seem like I'm complaining. Gah. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 10 months. God do I love that girl with all my being. But right now we are far apart and there's nothing I can do about it. She's my heart man. Just sometimes I wish I could hold her, kiss her, be with her, show her how fucking amazing she is and how much she really does mean to me. I'm so sick of this barrier being between us. Its like I had something great, lost it, and now I'm having to wait for the one thing I want in life.

 

I know they say good things come to those who wait, but shit man this isn't fair. The one person I love, The one person who I would do anything for, who I want to spend the rest of my life with, words cant describe how I feel about this girl, and she is so far away. I have another 7 months until I can see her. I can't not be with her, but sometimes the pain of not having her here seems unbearable. I really need her. Not just for the physical shit oh my god that is not why I love her, She is beautiful, but her personality and the person she is just melts my heart. I've never met a person so amazing in my life. This all may sound like a line but I mean every word.

 

She has changed me. I went from doing drugs and failing in school, to caring, succeeding in school, stopping old habits, applying myself like I should have. I got a job. I do anything to make her happy, and in the process it's made me a happier person. I try to tell her all the time how much I love her and I try my hardest to show her how important she is. I just don't know what to do in this remaining time I'm going to be without her.

 

This is long but it needs to be said. This is going to sound so corny but, she made me want to live. Now I don't necessarily believe in god, but if there ever was an angel sent down to help me, I'm telling you she just made me a believer. I never knew caring would be so hard. However, in the end I know she is worth it. Because after all this hurt and tears and waiting, I get her, and thats all that matters to me.