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| Drunken Confusion... and Complications |
THE BACKGROUND (long, sorry...)
OK, so about two months ago my friends introduced me to this guy they know through a band they're in outside of school. (like an orchestra-type band, not like a group-of-teens-in-the-garage-type band) I'll call him L. (DEATH NOTE!!! >u< wonder if anyone on here will get that...>_>)
He came with us to an anime festival, then ice-skating and roller-blading and that sort of stuff - so basically he was there anytime my group of friends organised something.
At first we joked around, arguing about pretty much everything, but in a good way. It was really entertaining. 
Then, after a little while I started to like him. I figured it was just like, as you would a good friend or whatever.
But I slowly came to like him more and more. I decided not to tell anyone about it, and try to ignore it...
Eventually I got his MSN, and later his mobile number. So we talked every now and then on MSN mostly, and a few times I'd randomly text him.
We always talked about really interesting things, almost philosophical, and it would go on for hours. So I started going on more often, just to talk to him about whatever came up. He'd never really tell me much about himself, his family or friends, or really anything at all personal, always keeping to something general, and away from himself.
So, anyway, this went on for a few months like I said, until last tuesday, when I was at my friend E's place meaning to study for Biology all night. But we got a call from our friend C.
He was in tears, so basically, the night turned into the 3 of us at the park, where we then called L to see if he wanted to come and drink with us. Before he arrived it came out that I liked him. Anyway, the night was fun, but we ran out of alcohol, and it hadn't really been much in the first place, but it was late and all the shops were closed. So, we just decided to go back to E's house, where C eventually went to bed, while E, L and I stayed up talking, etc. I'd borrowed E's clothes, and was wearing short shorts, a t-shirt and a think cardigan...I was f-ing cold! >n<
SO, L gave me his jacket! His reason was something like "bare legs are fine, but bare feet are too much!" It was quite cute... Yeah, so not that much happened after that.
Then, last weekend we planned to all go out for dinner and ice-skating on Halloween (not to actually celebrate it, but just cause...)
I didn't really get to talk to him much, especially on the LONG walk from the station to the restaurant, mainly because E had invited her friend F. Now F is the kind of person who seems to be constantly talking down to you, and acting as if she knows SO much more than you... I really don't like her. There's more to it than that, but doesn't matter.
Anyway, she basically demanded his attention the whole way to the restaurant, so I just talked to my other friends... there was other stuff happening obviously, but it's not important for what I'm writing. 
When we got closer to the restaurant I got annoyed with my BROKEN glasses (they were taped. Kinda Harry Potter-style XD) so I took them off. When we got into the restaurant, he was standing next to me as we were trying to be seated, and I couldn't really see properly and so he kinda told me where to go. Wasn't THAT helpful cause I could see the things around me, but still nice =]
So I could either sit next to a girl I didn't know all too well or at the other end with L and F and my good friend P. I didn't want to sit with F but... P was my reasoning for sitting there, but I'm sure you can guess why I really wanted to. 
So F took his attention for the most part, but I still did talk to him a bit.
Anyway, E was kinda the one to organise everything and she and I basically decided we didn't really want to go ice-skating all that much, especially after the long walk... So we again decided to go back to her place to drink, this time as our big group.
A few didn't come back with us, but most were there. Anyway, my friend R was next to me and got drunk REALLY quickly, and while everyone was talking, playing truth or dare etc, R went over and sat on L's lap, as he was the only guy there... XD
Everyone was kinda kissing everyone, except L, and E (who's never been kissed - totally out of bounds!) And yes, we're all girls (aside from L of course) I kissed my friend J twice, but then nobody else at first. (I only did it because I love her, she wanted to, and I have once before on a dare. It really doesn't mean anything, although she is gay, and admitted to having a crush on me previously. Just wanted to say that)
Ah, poor L. It really only got worse from there... People started to get partly naked just for the fun of it... F was completely naked aside form her underwear (as in knickers, but no bra) and a blanket. I won't go into much about all that, but basically, everyone started to drift off to bed. But R was still on L, and F was beside him. Basically they were both all over him. He didn't seem to care all that much. Like, he enjoyed it I guess (what guy wouldn't...?) but not HEAPS or anything... I dunno.
Anyway, so eventually it was just R and F, still on L, E, and me. I was not really that drunk, cause I'd had heaps of water and I'd stretched it over quite a few hours (we got back quite early) and I wasn't exactly enjoying "the show"... and I wasn't really hiding my disdain either...but they didn't care, or at least they didn't notice. E was watching happily and filming/taking photos (OK, so THEY'RE funny and embarrassing as hell for R and F xD) but saw me annoyed, down, etc. This went on for ages, till R realised she was sobering up a bit, so E suggesed we all take shots (of Vodka) and basically I loosened up quite a bit more... *wink*
THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART
I sat down on L's other side, and E called out something like "MY NAME wants to join in!" I just gave her a look and leant in so I was resting my chin on my hands, elbows on the arm of his chair.
Now I should say a few things quickly (SORRY!) F is Bi, but has a boyfriend, R I thought was just straight but is apparently also Bi, but has a boyfriend. So quite a lot, they were making out, leaving L there half awkwardly. Now, I also consider myself Bi, cause my first (and thus far only) relationship was with a girl. Won't go into details about that, but seeing F and soon R almost naked pretty much convinced me I was straight...
So, yeah, I leant in and smiled. Then L kissed me... ^u^
Now I know I look into things too much, but the way he kissed me just... made me feel wanted I guess. He held the side of my face, and it was just... nice. And, maybe I'm a little old-fashioned or something, but seeing as that was my first kiss with a guy, it meant a lot to me. Even if we were both drunk...
And HE kissed ME, not the other way around. R and F were always the ones to initiate the kisses with him (I would know... I had to watch them for ages... *sigh*) So, I dunno, it seemed to me like he WANTED to kiss me, but I imagine little things like that all the time I think... although my instincts can often be right too... CONFUSING! >n<
I actually also kissed R, cause I could and she's my friend. In fact it didn't even really bother me that she was on L... she's kinda considered a bit of a slut at times... but I love her anyway! No not like that...
So anyway, he kissed me again a little later. Also nice X3
Then F and R (F shirt and bra-less, and R with just bra I think) got his shirt off... just cause XD I actually have no idea why, but he didn't protest.
Anyway...that was enjoyable >u< haha, he has quite nice skin I think...
Then R and F were kissing I think (or something like that...) and so I kissed L... and for some reason F and R stopped. It was a fairly long kiss really. But, yeah, F said something about it being intense... I spose I was a bit embarrassed, so I pulled back (kinda wish I hadn't)
F said it probably had something to do with us both being straight and single... Oh god, did THAT make me think... as if I hadn't been before... *sigh*
END SUPER IMPORTANT PART
He still had his shirt off and seemed to be cold, so I asked him and kinda rubbed his arm to warm him, and he seemed grateful, even if it wouldn't have made THAT much difference... Oh I forgot to say, we were on E's back veranda this whole time, so outside...
Eventually E was responsible enough to try and get us to go to bed. R was falling alseep on L's lap, so E dragged her off first, then I think F left, and L and I were alone for a bit.
We just talked really, it felt quite normal, though I remember we were pretty close, mostly cause I wasn't wearing my glasses. I couldn't remember what we talked about the next day really till a few days after XP We somehow got to talking about his fingernails... he bites them really short. Some people might find that gross, but I also bite mine, though not as short, so it doesn't.
Anyway, eventually we were both in the lounge room, while E's brother played a game and stuff, and one girl had come out of the bedroom for a bit. I was kinda trying to flirt, but not too much, we were all just laughing really.
Anyway, the next morning, he was last to get up, R and I were first. But he kinda avoided eye contact with me for the most part, aside from right at the 'start' when I sat on a stool at the end of the couch he was lying on, and he put his head back and said something like "Oh, morning GUYS NAME HE NICK-NAMED ME WITH!"
It was quite funny and cute...but then, yeah, no more eye contact, though I think he looked at me once when I sat and read cause my friends were playing some boring game... meh. A few other glances I spose.
Then E had to go to work soon, so she took L and I home (well her dad did but...yeah) cause, guess what? We live quite close to each other...! yay...
Anyway, the entire way there was pretty quiet and it felt sorta tense. We talked a little, but he still wouldn't make eye contact. Still nice enough though.
But the funny thing was when he went to hug me good bye (all my friends do)
he sorta hesitated then leant over saying "Uh..." and I leant over and we did that thing where you don't know which way to move your head cause they keep going the same way! XD It was quite hilarious... hehehe well, for me anyway.
Anyway, so yeah he left and I went home. Later I went for a walk to this big park that we both know and have talked of. I was just walking randomly and actually went to a part I hadn't really been to before. And I seriously think I saw him...!
He was quite far away, but he had the right hair colour and he was wearing fairly plain dark clothes like L does, and looked like he was carrying something, perhaps a music instrument case? Like I said at the very start he's a... muso? LOL that'll do I guess XD
But he was walking fast, and not really like I think L does (can't really remember) and I'd seen L actually walking the same way less than an hour before when we dropped him off NEAR his house...
It freaked me out completely though either way, cause obviously I'd been thinking about him. I actually thought of following him a little, just to see, but it seemed a little too stalker-ish... >u<
Yeah...I haven't seen him since but we've talked on MSN every day since except the sunday I think... He just acts as if nothing happened with us. We've both mentioned the other two (F and R) and joked about alcohol, but never anything about us... E said something about him regretting it a bit the next day, but she (or maybe he) didn't say what exactly... It could have been mostly the other two cause they have boyfriends, and so on... but I have no idea.
He has seemed to have opened up a bit lately though...he's talked about his family and friends more and just more about him in general. I keep trying to very slightly hint at things but he never takes the bait, just changes it...he's incredibly good at it!
So, now I've told my younger sister (whom I'm very close to) and two other friends, and I already feel like it's too much. They're gonna watch me every time I'm around him now... *sigh*
So, basically, I need some help.
I think either he first kissed me for one of three reasons:
1. He was too drunk and didn't really care that much, and just heard E say I wanted to join in, and though 'Why the hell not? =D'
2. He was just horny and I was willing... though he's never been the 'horny' type before...he always seems neutral to things like that.
or 3. He actually wanted to kiss me, cause he likes me, to some degree.
There are other possibilities I'm sure, so tell me what you think!
Any advice would be much appreciated!! Just no hate stuff please, telling me I shouldn't have done this or that, it's in the past now, and I can't help it.
One of the major problems though, is definitely the fact that I'm 16 and he's 19... I mean I know plenty of people with 2-4 years between them and their 'partners', but seriously! I'll be 17 when he's 20!! DX
Now...
THE FINAL APOLOGY
I'm finished now, don't worry. But I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for my ramblings... I know some stuff in there may not seem all that important to what I was trying to say, but I do that... and besides, I was trying to give you all my reasons for and against that he likes me! I'm trying to help people understand the situation as well as they can I guess. =D
So, if anyone ACTUALLY reads this, THANKYOU and I LOVE YOU!!
And I'm sorry that I sound like just another whiney teenager... I just have very little experience and need help, but I don't know who to ask... So again, thanks to ANYONE and EVERYONE that takes the time to read this at all!
LotuS DreamS... xox
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Posted by LotusDreams on 2009-11-05 06:47:39 | Rating: | Views: 7
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