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This is my first blog, on any site, ever. I have always kept my emotions and problems to myself. Bottled up, with no one to ask for help. No one to hear me. No one to care.
I am only 15, a rising male sophomore in 2008-9. The only thing I ever wanted in life, was a good one. I know that you can't always have what you want, but I have just never caught a break.
My childhood was depressing and deprived. My mother was/is paranoid of all schools, thinking that only crimes are commited there. From the age of 6-12, grades K-6th, I was homeschooled by her. I didn't have any friends, due to the fact that the neighborhood I lived in didn't have many couples with children. My only friend was my brother, three years younger than me, and also homeschooled. My dad hated the idea, thinking that we would grow up to be "mama's boys" and hermits. He argued constantly with my mother who had a small voice, and cried easily.
My parents hate each other with a passion I cannot understand. My father is even worse nowadays due to recent money problems. We have moved from house to house and recently, our last one was sold to the bank because didn't have the money to pay the morgage. My mother cries because my father takes out his stress on her.
Not physically, of course, but verbally. My house is always...noisy. Filled with angry words, cursing, and tears of sorrow. The only reason they stay together is because of my brother and the fact that they do not have enough money to hire lawyers to get divorced.
Isn't that ironic? Money is one of the biggest problems, and yet they can't split up legally because they don't have enough to do so.... Money was a large problem, but me not going to school was an even larger one. My dad eventually made my mother give up, and I went to school for the first time: 7th grade.
I found myself in an entirely new environment, one I was scared of. Immediately upon seeing the normal teens, I shut myself out. I didn't talk to anyone, make eye contact, or even smile. I didn't know how to handle myself with other kids, most of them commented on my height (5'10" at age 12) but I usually only acknowledged them with a, "Yeah" or "Mhmm". I made a few friends eventually, but from then on, I was known as, "that tall quiet guy"
8th grade was pretty much the same thing. Kept to myself, my friends made other friends and didn't stick with me as much. That was it. First two years of real school and they were horrible.
High school is where it all really began though.
But that is where this blog ends, and a new one starts.
Thanks for reading.
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Posted by LostInThought on 2008-07-26 11:34:00 | Rating: | Views: 78
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wow, this is really sad, and I'm listening to sad music right now anyway so its even worse. By the by, you have a very pretty style of writing, its vey poetic.
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Posted by Richard1000000
on 2008-07-26 19:38:59
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your story is very well told. and i want you to know that i know it is hard to open up, i have trouble with it too. people here are willing to listen to whatever you have to say and will help you out. but for your first one, it flows very well. and welcome to thoughts.
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Posted by xscarstellstoriesx
on 2008-07-27 00:06:17
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Wow, you sound like a troubled soul.. I know this is no consolation, but you are certainly not alone. I'm only 15 too, also a sophomore.
My parents hate eachother too, but there's not much fighting. It's constantly simmering, and when it comes out it's expolsive. Really, really explosive, to the point where Mum and I have to run away for awhile.
The transition from homeschool to high school must have been difficult! Probably good for your personal development, though, I think. I'm a tall-y too, I was an inch shorter than you in year 7.
I was a quiet one, too, and what friends I made usually ended up abandoning me, too. Very saddening and frustrating.
I really admire your writing style, that and I feel like I can relate to you, from what you write, anyway. It's a good choice you made, to join thoughts, it's healthy to let all the emotion up, especially when you live in a restricted environment (not sure if that's the case with you but it is with me, however).
Good luck, and warmest welcomes!
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Posted by Mezlie
on 2008-07-27 08:53:19
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