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all i've ever wanted...

Warning: Mood swing in progress.....

Why is that I push a guy away.....then when they move on.....it crushes my entire life in an instant???

I'm afraid of love. Why?

It's all I've ever wanted....but I'm scared. Why?

I want a guy that will love me for me no matter what. Someone who can take care of me. Looks aren't everything but it would be nice to have a good lookin guy....also one close to my age. I want strong arms around me at night. I want flowers, back rubs, picnics, night time walks.... I want someone who understands me and knows when I'm just mad....but not necessarily mad at him. Someone who understands what hurts my heart and will wipe my tears away and hold me tight while i cry.

I've been a TomBoy all my life, I've been strong, independant, in no need of a guy. I'm fixin to be a mom (a mistake I made I know), I'm a girly girl now. I want someone to lean on, someone to kill the spiders and bugs, someone who's proud of me, someone I can rely on.

I want a man I cant trust and who will trust me. A man that understands the desires of my heart. A man who doesn't provoke me. A man that even though I'm being sassy will smile and give me a big warm hug.

I know I'm asking for a Prince Charming....but I know he's out there. Somewhere....the one thing that terrifies me is the fact of me pushing away everyone that wants to love me. What if Prince Charming starts to show he loves me and I run.....Will he see through the fear and just be patient until I'm no longer afraid....is this just a blessing in disguise?

I care about everyone in my life. but I don't feel like I have met The One yet. What's gonna make this even harder is having a baby.....I love my little Jacob......I wouldn't take anything for him....I just hope I find a man that will love Jacob like I do. I know it can happen. My dad loves me just as much as my mom does....My dad met my mom when I was 2 or 3 years old. and I know without a shadow of a doubt he would gladly take a bullet for me.....and I love him just as much.

My heart is aching for someone to love.....but.....here i am. I know once Jacob is born....all this will change for a little while. I'll be so wrapped around his finger, and my life will revolve around his every move....I'll be in love. But what happens at night....when it's stormin? When I hear strange noises outside? When I need someone to hold me and let me know everything's gonna be just fine? Everyone tells me that I'll find that person at the right time....but what's wrong with now. I need a good man so bad. well...I feel like I need one.....

*sigh*

Posted by LostInTheMoment on 2008-07-01 22:51:52 | Rating:

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um well if you push them away then they can never break the plastic mold you want them in sis. I mean if you don't get to know a person then you think you are always safe.... but you're lonely too. Still I believe in wait don't date...How about letting a guy be your friend and not your boyfriend.... then prehaps the transition will just happen naturally.

OH BTW forget looks, they mean little... the heart and spirit is where it's all at anyway. I had to two cuties really mess my life up....and thiers. Mr Right? he has a real face....

Posted by lampoil on 2008-07-02 00:30:02

I hope you find him soon :) And no, you arent asking for Prince Charming, you are only asking for true love and i really hope u find it :) Good luck!

Posted by angelwings on 2008-07-02 08:54:34

Keep holding on Morgan. what they say about "the right time" is crap. when you get the guy, you naturally ASSUME its the "right time" because the truth is, there's never a BAD TIME to find Mr. Perfect! and yes, if you run, he will see through your fear and fill you with so much love that the fear will never be able to return again.

your wishes aren't unreasonable at all. have faith. that's all we have. and don't worry about Jacob. he is, after all, yours! any man who loves you wouldn't be able to help but adore Jacob.

Posted by Slash on 2008-07-05 05:14:38

Thank you all very much!

Thank you angel that was very encouraging! I hope I find him too!!

I hope so Slash....I really hope so. HAHA..and I agree about the right time/wrong time!! There never is a Bad Time for Mr.Perfect....maybe he just....ran outta gas, car broke down, cell quit working....:-O maybe he is shipwrecked....I need to sign up for a cruise...lol

Anyways...thanks SO MUCH to ALL of you!!

Posted by LostInTheMoment on 2008-07-05 16:53:12