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Well it's late and I should be asleep, but at least I am in bed, and I was reading and came across the good old phrase "There is nothing I wouldn't give to be loved"
This made my wind wonder off to thoughts of Her, when I thought that this statement is a complete load of crap! What would be the point if you 'gave' something to gain Love? You would only become less, this seems to me to be the very antithesis of Love.
I am very willing to gain for Love, to be more, learn more, feel more, to even Love more to gain more. I don't mean being a differant person, that would be again becomming less then you are in the worst possable way, you would be giving up yourself, that can't be tolerated.
EasyToSay commented "and you discarded it .. temporarily??" in a previous blog
I said had stuffed it in the draw for privacy reasons, but I had forgotten it though, that is a good as discarding it really. I have found over the last few months that there is a lot of myself I have discarded, not just writing ( though I could probably could have published a book by now with what I have thrown out) but thoughts, I have supressed dreams, beliefs even, over the last few years.
God/Universe - Why?
Me - Privacy Reasons.
God/Universe - Bullshit
Me - Ridicule, fear, not wanting to have to answer questions.
God/Uni - Maybe. But Who do you think your fooling here?
Me - A lack of trust in myself, my mind, my body and my spirit. Even when all three agree it still doesn't seem to fit into what is around me, I give it up, go into 'cruise control'
God/Uni - And miss all the experience of it! Miss the chance to make for yourself who you are and let others dictate it for you. You let them make you less.
Me - It's easier that way!!
God/Uni - Oh really? Then why the confusion? The upset? Pain and Loss are inevitable, You do have a choice how you deal with them, make them a worthy experience, then You choose who you are because of them. You say when you are whole that things still do not fit, is that your observation or just what you have been told? Because I tell you now it all fits, it is up to you to make what you will of it.
Me - What I will of it?
God/Uni - Yes. You know this, you know it well and instictively. Do not debate your choices till the time has past, your procrastination does you no good, it does not delay, it is a choice in itself, a choice not to act and again miss your life rather then experience it.
Me - Are we not off the track here?
God/Uni - No. Your issue was your disregard, yes that is what I meant not discard, of your own dreams and beliefs. You followed others to a place you needed to be, then when you had the experiences you needed you did not move on, you 'cruised' and it soured you. You are now aware again, good, now be whole in you choices.
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Hmm that became a little more then I was expecting to write, but I'm not inclined to delete it. I am exhausted though, maybe tonight i'll get more than 3 hours sleep.
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Posted by Long on 2008-04-27 10:42:20 | Rating: | Views: 178
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well when you want someone or something so bad, you'd give everything -- even your own happiness.
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Posted by DreamingOfBruxelles
on 2008-04-27 11:18:16
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DreamingOfBruxelles that is Obsession not Love, it is nothing but destructive, to both the object/person and to yourself. if you reach the point of obsesssion, you have forgotten what love is.
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Posted by Long
on 2008-04-27 17:16:05
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i want love but don't want to give up any part of me to get it. i want to be me and let him be himself and no 'if onlys'. i used to be that way though."i'd give my right arm for someone to love me". now? no way! take me as i am and i will do the same. sounds fair enough to me.
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-04-28 04:59:10
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Exactly Lastblastkl. And you are quite welcome to add me as a friend :)
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Posted by Long
on 2008-04-28 21:15:05
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and *cough*, *cough* I know from experience that it doesn't matter how much you give of yourself - it wont necessarily mean you will have it returned or live happily ever after.
It's all about searching for that balance, or sometimes NOT searching just having fun and it may well fall into your lap! :)
Enjoy yourself Long ... enjoy it everyday.....
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-04-29 03:04:26
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Perhaps its not about how much you give, more who you give it to? one person may welcome it and give as much in return, another may take and take until there is nothing left and leave you empty.
You have to take chances and hope that your judge of character can be trusted not to lead you to that emptiness x
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Posted by missmarie
on 2008-05-02 07:50:25
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