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Mine died the day after Australian mother's day
Helen I a saw mother's day advert just before
I felt like I could have just curled upon the floor and had a complete breakdown.
I swear my heat stopped for a moment, I know my mind almost shattered
Has it been so long since I have see you, heard your voice, held you and smiled.
I miss you so much.
It is beyond me, to understand why you left as you did, I hear the words post-natal depression, but I don't understand how such strength can be lost.
You wanted a child so much, you talked so fondly and were so proud when you found you were pregnant.
No guilt, but I am still so angry at you.
What I would not give to hear you get mad at me again for giving 'such simple an answer' to your long winded questions, 'It can't be that easy' you'd complain.
To laugh again at you because my chest is wet where you have cried and tears have soaked right through my jumper and shirt.
For your mum to have to open the door when I've had to carry you after about a dozen too many.
To give you that chance to see me get drunk before you are, 15 years you tried at every chance.
So much more we still had to say, from the childish to the profound and never with any judgment.
Oh the things I have no one to talk to.
And how much I would have liked you to meet someone, though perhaps you may have gotten along too well.
I don't think I have the strength to speak to Joel, to see your son Oscar.
But I still still hear you sometimes, I have woken swearing I can hear you.
Almost a year my friend, I feel so very alone in this world without you some days.
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Posted by Long on 2008-04-06 10:06:05 | Rating: | Views: 112
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i dont know what to say to that. i can't tell you that i know your pain. because i have never known pain so lonely. i can't tell you that i understand, because i have never lost someone even half as close. all i can do is hope that you find your peace. and pray that your memory can laugh away the unsaid jokes, and cry away the unsaid feelings. so that she may recover them, wherever she dwells now...
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Posted by Slash
on 2008-04-07 14:09:30
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This was really touching long...I can imagine how hard it is for you. I know I had dreams for about two years after I lost my grandfather, dreams that told me that he was there..and then I'd wake up to find he wasnt. It hurts...the pain doesnt go, you just get used to it after a while...you learn to live with it. Like slash, I hope you find your peace. This was amazingly touching..
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Posted by angelwings
on 2008-04-08 02:23:53
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Thanks guys :)
The blogs of soulmates was all good, but then seeing that mothers-day advert as well was a little much.
Feeling better today, if overly tired.
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Posted by Long
on 2008-04-08 04:36:27
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Hang in there..get some sleep...and icecream (I just ordered chocolate icecream and I'm really happy about it!)..and listen to nice music...but get some sleep since ur tired...
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Posted by angelwings
on 2008-04-09 04:22:20
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just realised that comment was a day old s o you're probably not tired anymore..but do get the icecream, it helps :)
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Posted by angelwings
on 2008-04-09 04:23:03
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Thanks Angelwings, hmmm icecream, no I just did my first session at the gym, the trainer would prolly bitch slap me around if she found out :P
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Posted by Long
on 2008-04-09 05:20:39
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wow, I feel for you, I wish I could send you a hug... oh here you are ... sending you a huG!
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-04-12 06:42:34
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